Baby wearing around the world

Anytime I go out with my daughter in the sling, I get comments and stares from people. Some look perplexed, some look curiously, and others outright love it. The Chinese women at the supermarket rant and rave about it to anyone near them, and tells them how good it is to wear your child on your body everywhere you go and point at me and Dahlia.

Fastening your baby to your body, or baby wearing as it's most commonly referred to, is nothing new. It's been done for milleniums by mothers across the world. What is new are strollers, car seats, and and infant swings.

I'm glad to see baby wearing get so much attention lately on Aruba also. Since I've come into this 'world' and met so many wonderful baby wearing mamas around the world, I've gained a lot of insight from them also. Because of the Organization I work with, I have the privilege of exposing and introducing a lot of pregnant women or new mothers, to the world of baby wearing. At our monthly breastfeeding support group (where the majority of women who attend are pregnant women) I let them feel the slings, try them out, see how a baby or a toddler fits in them so that they can get an idea of which one they like the best. I recently forged a connection with a lady who owns a local business that teaches prenatal yoga and the like. She expressed great interest in having a sort of 'baby wearing workshop' and feature me as the speaker and so on. I thought it was an amazing idea that can really reach a lot more parents on Aruba. Hopefully next year we can get things moving.

A few weeks back, via a friend on FB I came across stunning pictures of women of all ethnic backgrounds, social standing, and nationalities carrying their baby or child in a carrier on their bodies. The pictures were so vivid and inspirational, drenched with color and imagination. A thank you to Dolores Garcia Rodriguez Dogaro to whom the majority of the pictures belong. Another thank you to all my FB friends who also contributed pictures. The pictures are of women from literally all over the world. From Benin to Europe. From Aruba to Peru....

Enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Healthy spinal development for the slingbaby

Recently, I've been very involved with slings and helping moms try them out and figuring out how to use them. I've had the privilege of seeing many moms, some of them, 2nd and 3rd time moms who've never used pouch or ring sling before, get into it and absolutely love it. The way their face lights up when they feel relieved that they can still have that closeness and warmth that carrying a baby gives but still get things done in and out of the home is priceless. A question or concern I hear a lot from mothers is that the baby looks 'tight' or squeezed in. I get asked if that position is really ok for the baby. I gently remind the moms that when baby was in utero, he was accustomed to that warm, dark and tight environment and grew to love it, and that now that he lives in a world with bright lights, cold surfaces and open spaces, anytime you re-create the 'feel' of the womb, the baby almost immediately settles down, and either goes to sleep or goes into a state of quiet-alertness. To further emphasize on the benefits of having your baby in an appropriate pouch or ring sling, or wrap, or ergo carrier, here is something note worthy to look found at Babes in arms on Facebook.

If you are an expectant mom, or a seasoned pro and would like to start wearing your baby, you may be wondering which type suites you best. It is not specifically necessary to go out and buy all of the carriers on the market and do it by trial and error. If you go to the Babes in arms website, they give an extensive review of which carrier you can buy and try out. Sometimes though, it may be necessary to try out the carriers of your friends of which you don't have or are planning to buy if at all possible. Contrary to popular belief, there are only benefits to baby wearing, both for the parent and the baby. So check it out and give it a try!

The ubiquitous fear of spoiling your baby by holding/wearing them

 All Images Courtesy : Google Images

It seems that lately, (well not really lately, but more than usual) I've been hearing so many concerns being voiced about a baby or toddler that is worn in a sling or held in the arms of a caregiver and spoiling them because of this. I can talk myself blue in the face, but this viewpoint is so deeply ingrained in people's minds that even those who wish to practice attachment parenting are doubting themselves if it truly is the right way to rear a child. I can sit here all day and night writing until I stare carpal tunnel straight in the face, but it's not my place to say, do this that way and that this way... I just want to offer clarification about a widely held myth that is so pervasive that is has even the most dedicated baby wearing parents sometimes slightly doubtful

The almost intrinsic fear of spoiling an infant by holding, rocking, soothing, or wearing them in a sling
The concern about spoiling one's offspring is not new. I mean, which parent purposely wants to raise a child who will turn out to be the biggest source of stress for them? No one right? But are we secretly doing so by the parenting strategies our parents and even some grandparents have used? Are we unwittingly turning our children into uncontrollable monsters because of this lack of holding or meeting our babies' needs? Can a parent or caregiver really spoil a child with love?

I asked on my Facebook what were people's opinions on responding right away to a baby's cry, here's what they said :

• A GOOD THING! They are people too with real needs, yes, even the need to be held and loved is real. Don't we as adults like it?

• There is no such thing as a spoiled baby!they have no other way of communication but to cry, so if they cry it is for a reason..and they depend on only you,a baby NEEDS to be held , they need to feel that comfort and trust in you....

• As is most things in life, it is a balance. Yes, I am not a mother, so maybe it is easy for me to say for example don't carry your child when he/she is crying, but as any person, I do have an opinion on the subject.I believe that in the " caring and nurturing of your child" part it does entail holding your child when he/she cries. But it is not about holding your child, it is when and how often. If your child is crying you should tend to your child, by playing with him/her, singing for him/her, by showing the child attention does not automatically mean you need to carry him/her. Now if that does not work, and the child continuous to cry then yes, I do believe by holding the child, calming him/her is necessary. Of course it can also be when the child is not crying but simply wants your attention, of course you can carry him/her, but for a while, to show him/her that you are willing and able to give him/her attention, but then by placing the child back and then continue playing with him/her....Honestly, by holding your child 24/7 or ignoring your child 24/7 when he/she is crying or/and wants your attention clearly isn't adequate. It is a balance, which has partly to do with age and the situation. This being said, to each their own, I do believe it requires more than just holding your child when he/she cries for him/her to become a spoiled brat, that has to do with parenting in general. I know the post is long, but goes to show the answer to this question is not good or bad one.

• I don't think holding him when he cries spoils him! I don't think holding him when he ISN'T crying spoiling him. Spoiling a baby is just not really possible. Now, spoiling a child is another story 

In her article on Attachment Parenting, Julie Renee Holland, shows us that " you can't spoil a very young baby. Babies under 6 months are just not capable of the reasoning involved in being spoiled". She asserts that "babies who are held enough to meet their emotional and physical needs will start to get down and move around on their own as soon as they are able to do so. Content, curious and alert, the held baby soon sees that there are things going on down there that they want to check out. This is a normal part of their development and holding them will not disrupt their natural urge to explore unless you don't let them down when they decide they are ready." This can be compared to a baby that is in it's mothers womb. The baby knows when it is has reached it's correct gestational age and when mother's body is ready for labor. In rare instances, complications arise on their own (as occuring in a completely natural drug/intervention free birth) in which the mother cannot give birth naturally.. of course, the exception is not the norm. The same goes for a baby, developmentally speaking, who knows when he's ready to start exploring. Some babies start young, and others take longer. This happens, regardless of the fact whether the baby was carried or 'worn' a lot or not.

"consistently making light of a child’s discomfort, (big boys don’t cry) (don’t be a cry baby), trying to distract a crying baby with food, or getting annoyed, can be eventually interpreted as rejection. Eventually, the child learns to keep their feelings to themselves, fearing ridicule, teasing, or upsetting the parent. They can also learn such troublesome core beliefs such as “I am not worthy of Love" "

Putting the "possible delay of developmental milestones due to constant carrying", we'll go on to our main thought and question, that of, can a parent/caregiver really spoil a baby by holding it whenever it cries?While I am certain that parents can spoil their children, this does not happen during the period of infancy. I want to see anyone try and reason with a two week old about when it is time to be sleep and when it isn't. It's just impossible. So, why do you think you can spoil your child, "surrendering" to him, by holding and cradling him in your arms against the warmth of your body and the beating of your heart?

In another article, Krissana Jeffery shows us that "Since the time of Dr Spock, parents were taught to not always answer their child’s cry for comfort, for fear of spoiling them. Many parents (now grandparents) took this advice very seriously. They didn’t realize, that how we respond to their cues for comforting, will influence how they feel about themselves and relate to other people in their future. Parents were led to believe that continual comforting could be spoiling. But there is a vast difference that begs to be recognized. 

According to pediatrician, Dr.Meriam Rossi, research has shown that how consistently you comfort your baby when sick, upset, or hurt, especially in the first year, is extremely important. By responding to your child’s cues for comfort with acceptance and loving gestures, your child will soon learn to calm and comfort itself. (the payoff!)"

Krisanna also illustrates something imporant when she said "consistently making light of a child’s discomfort, (big boys don’t cry) (don’t be a cry baby), trying to distract a crying baby with food, or getting annoyed, can be eventually interpreted as rejection. Eventually, the child learns to keep their feelings to themselves, fearing ridicule, teasing, or upsetting the parent. They can also learn such troublesome core beliefs such as “I am not worthy of Love" "

In yet another article, Amy Weekley drives the point straight home.

Many parents believe that allowing a baby to "cry it out" will foster independence. They believe that attending to a baby's every cry will teach the baby that crying will always get him what he wants, and he will become spoiled. But what these parents fail to realize is that babies are not meant to be independent at such a young age. They are naturally designed to be dependent on their parents, as are babies of all mammal species. They cannot change their own diapers, prepare their own food, get their own toys, or even move their own bodies very far without help from their parents. Allowing a baby to cry unnecessarily doesn't teach him to be independent, because by nature he is incapable of independence - it instead teaches him that his cries are not important, and that he must learn to do without the things he needs. In contrast, responding to a baby's cries teaches him that his cries are a powerful communication tool, that his parents are listening when he needs something, and that his needs are important.

Babies have a real need for physical affection. Infants who are not touched can actually die, which indicates that snuggling and touching are not simply small acts of love to be doled out sparingly, but are instead vital to a baby's health and well-being. Touch helps to aid a baby's emotional development and relieves stress. Some studies suggest that frequent touch results in more rapid brain growth, stronger immune systems, more independence later in life (as well as less fear), and more rapid motor development. Babies who are touched frequently also tend to sleep better and fuss less than babies who are not. Babywearing fills this need for human touch in a way that would be difficult to achieve otherwise. Being carried close to a parent's body simulates the warm security of the womb, which can help the baby feel less stressed and more at ease. This comfort enables the baby to focus his energies toward growing and learning, rather than trying to find ways to soothe himself. Babywearing does not, as some believe, spoil a baby or condition him to want to be held all the time. A baby who is worn does not automatically grow into a clingy toddler. In fact, studies show that the opposite may be true. A baby who is worn through his infancy may be more likely to show a healthy independence as he grows older. Because he has been given that extra security of knowing that his parents are always there if he needs them, he is more able to strike out on his own and try new things. He does not have to be clingy, because he has no fear of abandonment.

 I would like to present one more argument to why we should respond to our babies' cries. Take a good look at our anatomy and some physiological processes. We'll take for example, a lactating mother. When a mother decides to breastfeed, especially during the first weeks ( but can go on for months and months and months) when she hears her baby's cry, her milk starts to flow uncontrollably. This is an oxytocic response in the mother's endocrine system. Obviously hearing the baby's cry, possibly for milk, the body knows right away to stimulate the let-down reflex and keep the milk on coming! This is a completely uncontrollable physiological and psychological response to a need being voiced on the baby's part. This shows us, that we were designed, our bodies we designed to respond to the baby's cues, be it for nutrition or simply for solace. Why do we then work against that intrinsic urge and automatic response and actually convince ourselves that 'it's not for the good of the child, let me let him cry it out a bit and see...'. If you are the parent of a young infant, or even a toddler, why not try a different approach to the "cry it-out" system. Try addressing your infants needs right away and meet them. It does take time and sometimes considerable efforts, but if the results are a happier more secure and independent child, isn't it worth while?


Want more information on attachment parenting? Visit : 

Attachment Parenting. Org 
Peaceful Parenting .com 
Peaceful Parenting Blog 

Or Read:

The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr Sears 
 The Attachment Connection by Ruth P. Newton

The benefits of Baby Wearing

This year and the one before has been of much experimental gain. Why? Well, last year my daughter was born and I was a young mother of 19 years. I was well educated by lots of reading and interacting with Birth Professionals before and after my daughter's arrival. I had attended a formal Childbirth Education Class which included breastfeeding classes. Through all of this, I learned about baby wearing to some extent. So, I went out and got myself a nice expensive baby carrier from Baby Bjorn. I had vaguely seen those other sling things but I remember thinking that it looks so buchi cunucu-ish. I wanted this "high performance" and sophisticated thing that attached my baby to me and made her look like a front pack. Little did I know...

I did learn later that those buchi cunucu slings and wraps are ten octillion times better, more effective, prettier and not cumbersome. So I did purchase one, actually two. It started out like this, I thought, oh how cute, I will order two types of slings and see which has more appeal to mothers here in aruba and I will sell it to them. I ordered a black Maya ring sling
and a pouch sling from Slinglings ( they're cool because if you send them your photo of you wearing your baby in their sling, they put it on their site!) I tried both of them out with my then 14 month old daughter. You should have seen me trying to decipher those things, I looked like a chimp with a remote. HA! Generally though, it just took some short practice sessions and it was a breeze slipping my daughter in and out of the ring sling. what was so nice about this particular type of sling was that, the piece of fabric that remains dangling, can be used to nurse discreetly in public. AND it has a little pocket with a zip. However, upon the arrival of my slinglings sling, I chose that one in favor of the ring sling because my daughter namely went in the hip carry position in which a pouch sling is very accommodating and simple.

So..why all this fuss about wearing our babies and children? What's so great about looking like a chiney (in aruba, Chinese people almost always wear their children). There are many many benefits of wearing our children and not so many disadvantages.

Here are a list of some of the benefits of baby wearing from Thebabywearer.com

Babywearing's great for you:

* Cook dinner during the "arsenic hour" and soothe your baby at the same time
Do the gardening, chores, socialise, even dance, while providing a stimulating learning environment for your baby
* Breastfeed hands-free while on the phone or shopping
* Keep your baby close and happy while playing with your toddler
* Get some exercise (walking) while your baby sleeps
* No need to lug around an awkward, heavy carseat, or battle getting a stroller into your car, onto a bus or up stairs.

* Babies cry less. Research has shown that babies who are carried cry (on average) 43% less overall and 54% less during the evening hours (1). In cultures where babies are carried almost continuously, babies cry much less than those in non-carrying cultures (2-6).
* Good for baby's mental development. Babies spend more time in a "quiet, alert state" when carried - the ideal state for learning. Their senses are stimulated while being carried (yet there is a place to retreat too). When carried, your baby sees the world from where you do, instead of the ceiling above his crib or people's knees from a stroller. And the extra stimulation benefits brain development.
* Good for baby's emotional development. Babies are quickly able to develop a sense of security and trust when they are carried. They are more likely to be securely attached to their care-giver/s (7) and often become independent at an earlier age (8).

* Good for baby's physical development. By being so close to your body's rhythms, your newborn "gets in rhythm" much more quickly. Your heartbeat, breathing, voice and warmth are all familiar. Research has shown how this helps newborns (especially premature babies) to adapt to life outside the womb (9).
* Good for babies whose mums are depressed. Babies who are not held need more verbal interaction and eye contact, just to be reassured that you're there. Carrying your baby is a great way to connect with her (and provide stimulation too) without the "burden" of having to interact (10). Of course your baby is "right there" to enjoy whenever you feel like snuggling, kissing or talking.

So after the why's of babywearing let's talk about the how's and which

There are generally Four types of baby wearing devices which are namely :

*Wraps

*Pouch Slings

*Ring Slings

*Back Pack Carriers and Front carriers

So which one of the pantheon of slings should a mom choose? Well, it really depends on what your needs are. Are you a mom with a young infant that nurses often in public and wish to be discreet about it? A ring sling is perfect for you with it's extra piece of fabric to help cover up

Or maybe you're a busy mom with two/three children and a baby who needs some hands free baby loving, a pouch sling is ideal then, no rings, no extra fabric.

Or are you a busy on the go-go mom with a social life that includes your baby/toddler? A pouch sling is ideal because some of them can hold up to 35 lbs.! It's easy to fold and shove in your bag. It's simple to just pop your baby or toddler in and out. Best of all, it's easy to just put the baby in the cradle carry position and nurse without anyone even knowing!

Ideally, I recommend a wrap for newborns and very young infants because of how snug and secure your baby is nestled against you. However, once that phase is passed and your child can sit and walk good, a pouch sling is a simple solution.

Where the back pack and front carriers are concerned, I would not recommend them for two reasons. The first one being is that when a baby's legs dangle down, it puts undue strain on the infant's back and can be detrimental to the posterior structures of the spine. In rare cases the baby may even develop Spondylolisthesis. Second, experts recommend that if you do use these types of carriers, that you wait until the child is able to sit and walk well,however, since my experience with the Baby Bjorn carrier, I stopped ranting and raving about how superior it is to the buchi cunucu pieces of fabric called slings. You'll note that once the baby starts putting on weight, around 12-15 lbs, it is no longer pleasurable to keep the baby in the carrier because of the bad back ache you're gonna get. So then you're back to square one. So...? Skip it altogether..

Here locally, in Aruba, a friend of mine nurtured a wonderful idea and is turning it into a reality. The founder of Arawak Mums has some massive sewing experience and ability and a new found love for these things. So, she set out to make slings (and nursing covers mind you!) more widely available here in Aruba. Her prices are very reasonable compared to the whopping 175 Afl,- you'll pay for a ring sling here, that costed you 60$ on the internet! Her patterns are fresh and of great quality. I highly suggest you look Bethsarim Van Koetsveld-Briñez up on facebook or look up Arawak Mums on Facebook and put your order in!

Lastly but certainly not least, in Aruba, they like to advocate separation. You'll always hear people saying in almost an accusatory tone that by holding the baby so much you'll spoil him!!! But this is not a fact. This is a complete myth. That view is so deeply entrenched that when I was in the hospital after giving birth the day before, I was cuddling with my not even 24-hour-old newborn and having skin-to-skin contact, the nurse walks in and goes, "My my, keep on holding that baby like that and you'll certainly have a spoiled child on your hands". I was so offended. But I knew she spoke out of tradition and wrongly held views. Wearing your baby a lot, maximizes bonding, while giving you hands free time, come on, who doesn't NEED that?? We're all busy stay-at-home/working moms with stuff to do. Yet, we know that a baby will develop better if it's carried rather than placed in a swing or a stroller. Another misconception is that wearing or holding a baby too much will make them clingy, too dependent children. This is an outright lie. Many a mothers note that the babies they wore the most grew up to be their most independent and free spirited children! So, with this I'll leave it up to you mothers/fathers.

Enjoy