Aruban Breastfeeding Mamas

Forcing your teenage daughter towards abortion comparable to circumcision?

2011-06-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

At work today, two of my colleagues (who we'll name X and Y ) and I engaged in a conversation that went from lively to heated very quickly. It doesn't help that one of them and myself have very strong characters and opinions.

We started talking about a case that happened recently to a 14 year old girl. she became pregnant by a man 10 years her senior. We exchanged opinions about why we thought it was wrong and action that will be brought against this man. One of them mentioned that girls nowadays are simply too mature, and some downright seduce older men, but it was generally agreed that although this may be the case, the adult should have had the sense and responsibility to say no and walk away.

The topic then turned to that if X's teenage daughter ever came home with the news that she was pregnant, he'd knock some sense into her and then take her himself to get an abortion, whether she wants it or not. This is where my fuse blew. Before you think this is a post about pro or anti for either sides, it's not. It's about another person's body and making decisions for that person's body, especially decision that have long-term effects (whichever choice they make)

X argued that since the child is a minor and lives under his roof and his rules, the girl may not get pregnant or carry it to term. This immediately pulled my heart strings because I myself was in a similar situation being a pregnant teen under my parents' roof. It didn't help either that he expressed himself with such anger and obscenity. True, being the parent of a pregnant teen is by no means a walk in the park, but it's not a death sentence either.

The argument ensued, and because of personal experience and opinions ( and a bit of hormones too) I could not reason with an unreasonable person and keep my cool any longer so I got up and left before my anger got the best of me. It got me to thinking though. The first comparison that popped up in my mind was circumcision.

How is forcing your teenage daughter to get an abortion regardless for their feelings etc much like circumcision? For one simple reason. IT'S.NOT.YOUR.BODY.

You think circumcision is o.k.? Please leave now, it's not o.k.

Have you any clue what kind of short and longterm effects circumcision has on a baby? I'm against it for all reasons, and also because it's not his choice. Which baby will ask you to chop off a chunk of his junk? Few men would, and I doubt any little boys would jump at the chance.

Not going in to the pros and cons of abortion the fact remains is that it holds long lasting consequences for the mother carrying the baby. Not just physical, but also psychological and emotional consequences. Imagine that the young mother did in fact want to keep the baby and do her utmost to raise it, how could you look your daughter in the eye with pure anger and outrage and dare lift a finger against her? How could you deny her wishes and forcefully carry her to have such an invasive procedure? I can't seem to comprehend it, and I don't think I want to either. All things aside, It's not your body, and it's not your choice.

Congratulations Wit Gele Kruis for teaching about bottle feeding

2011-06-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Nothing pisses me off more than seeing expectant parents joining a highly attended general childbirth education class and them holding a doll and a bottle. WHY?!

Usually, I shrug it off not wanting to cause a stir, but not this time. This time I'm pissed.

I also give breastfeeding classes, and I've attended other childbirth education classes before, have I ever seen a bottle present? Have I ever taught with a bottle present? Absolutely not. It is not necessary, it's actually counterproductive and detrimental.

When I was gazing through our most popular online media site, this is what I see. Headlines that state :

"Wit Gele Kruis cu Curso pa Futuro Mayornan"

or for my English speaking friends,

"Childbirth Education classes for expectant parents brought to you by the White and Yellow Cross"

Eagerly I peered through the pictures and to my dismay (and yet somehow I'm not surprised) I see this picture.

This isn't the highest quality picture, but what do you reasonably think that mother is holding? A doll and a? BOTTLE

I've taught many a breastfeeding classes and attended many myself, and yet, when you're teaching a mother about breastfeeding, where does the bottle fit in? I am outraged because instead of reinforcing a stereotype that 'breastfeeding is normal', they are showing and passing around bottles. I don't care if they're pretending those bottles have EBM (expressed breast milk) in them, these are expectant parents, they don't need to be taught about bottle feeding before the opportunity to breastfeed presents itself.

How can we ever go forward if one of the biggest organizations that help our expectant and breastfeeding mothers on Aruba (and see 95% of all babies) is working (unknowingly?) against us?

What is a Blessingway?

2011-05-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Babyshowers are a common and widespread tradition that many participate in. They often include many gifts for the soon-to-be parents, which may alleviate the burden of having so many baby things to buy. Babyshowers these days, however, have become very commercialized. They focus more on the giving of gifts, and playing of games, rather than the honoring of the mother-to-be and preparation for the labor and birth of her baby(s).

A Blessingway ceremony, is thought to have originated with the Native Americans. It was seen as a rite of passage when a young girl first enters young womanhood with the onset of Menarche, and was also celebrated with she became a mother.

A blessingway these days, has become more familiar due in part to the fact that women are reclaiming their bodies and birth rights. They are becoming more aware of the process of childbirth and wish to be more involved in the grand scheme of things. In saying so, they have come to realize that the pregnant woman is actually on a special 9+ month journey that will culminate in a spectacular and special end, the birth of her child(ren).

While many focus on the physical and material aspects of childbirth, which is of course natural, we sometimes tend to forget the mental and emotional side of it. Worries, anxiety or physical ailments during a pregnancy can wreak havoc on the emotional wellbeing and balance of the mother. Even a normal and 'uneventful' one can be stressful if the mother has little information or support from loved ones. A Blessing way can strengthen her resolve and help her to recenter her thoughts and goals.

What do you do at a Blessing Way?
The main focus of a Blessingway is the expectant mother and her emotional needs. Thus said, the point of the ceremony should be to give her courage to face that fast approaching day. Usually the group is kept small with only a few close relatives and/or friends. The women who inspire the mother the most, the ones she feels most safest with are the ones who attend the Blessing Way. Some choose to do the following:

Make a necklace or bracelet for her birthing day

Each attendee brings along a bead or two (depending on how many are present and what you're making, a necklace will require more beads) that he/she picks out as special. All those at the Blessingway sit in a circle and string the beads together, each wishing the mother something special for her birthing day. Expressions may also include birth affirmations. The mother then wears this piece of jewelry on the big day, and my choose to focus on it as a source of strength.

Making a headband out of flowers

This is the same as the abovementioned, but this headband may be worn the same day (as the flowers will wilt eventually)

Everyone there writes down a birth affirmation or wish.

The pieces of paper are thrown together, and each reads one aloud for the mother.

Henna belly painting

Henna is used often used for beautiful and lustrous belly painting during a Blessingway and is a wonderful memory for the couple of days (or up until a month!) that it lasts. It ties in perfectly with the theme and point of the ceremony

Gifts may also be part of the Blessingway but isn't by any means the focus. The focus is completely on the mother and preparing her for her journey into motherhood, even if it's the second time around.

Check out The Feminist Breeder's Virtual Blessingway and how her friends from all over the globe, sent a token, or more precisely, a flag, for her to hang up during the birth.

Have you had a Blessingway? What was your experience?

Breastfeeding Beauties

2011-04-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

This Breastfeeding Beauty, Linda & Kayla are Bella Sophia models, and after our shoot, Kayla decided it was time for a snack. We took the opportunity to get a few beautiful shots

Linda & Kayla (12 mo)

International Giveaway of Gratitude

2011-04-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

I had my daughter at 19 years of age. I was determined to breastfeed and like most first time mothers, I experienced problems in the beginning. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, and I was at the point of giving up. Our local non-profit breastfeeding organization, Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama Aruba, is what saved me and my breastfeeding relationship. I called day after day, with questions and worries and they did their utmost to quell my fears. They even visited me at no cost, and I remain eternally grateful. I went on to breastfeed my daughter for over a year. I recognize that it is organizations like these that help our mothers. Women dedicated to other women and their babies.

That is why, I wanted to give back to them. I wanted to show them how much I appreciate it that they help others, tirelessly, around the clock. To encourage others to support and show their appreciation for their local non-profit organization that supports breastfeeding, I decided to host a giveaway, a giveaway of gratitude. This giveaway will benefit the organizations, and ultimately, the mothers and babies.

I found it pretty practical since I am myself, both a blogger and the owner of a company. So I thought long and hard about which baby carrier I could give away that would please most. Immediately I knew it would be a watersling! Why a watersling? Because it's not just for use in the water, it can also be used as a normal ringsling for those hot summers, to keep your baby carried and cool. Ever since being the first manufacturer of waterslings on Aruba, they have made a huge hit! But of course, what would you expect on an island!

This giveaway, however, is special. Your usual giveaway consists of either liking Facebook pages, leaving comments our following on Twitter. This time, I'm going to ask you to give back to the community.

I decided that it wouldn't be fair to host a give-away that only locals could participate in. The Foundation does not have a Paypal account as yet, just a bank account number. So I decided then that the give-away would be two-fold. One for those abroad, and one for our locals.

I ask that the locals make a donation, and I will ask that those abroad donate to your local non-profit breastfeeding organization. These can be organizations such as La Leche League International, World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) or even if it's your small local non-profit such as Fundacion Lechi Mama Korsou. I have no affiliation with these, and all I want is for nursing mothers and their babies to be cared for and protected.

Let's see these prize Bella Sophia Waterslings

Seablue Bella Sophia mesh Watersling

Royal Blue Bella Sophia mesh watersling

Hot Pink Bella Sophia mesh watersling

Waterslings are also available in white and black mesh. Winners may pick any color they like.

Contest Rules

For Those living on Aruba

Make a donation of minimum 15 Florins to Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama Aruba on their Aruba Bank Account 600.54.08. Address Morgenster # 50
Email me at info@caribirth.com the amount, your full name and phone number
Leave a comment below why you would like to win a Bella Sophia Watersling

Extra entry points

Subscribe to BellaSophiaCarriers.com!
Like CariBirth's (the manufacturer of Bella Sophia Carriers) Facebook Page
Follow BellaSophiaC on Twitter
Mention the give-away, on Facebook, Twitter or a blogpost and link back

For those living abroad

Make a donation of Minimum 15$ to a non-profit breastfeeding organization of your choice, big or small.
Email me the donation amount and the name of the organization (and if possible their website or email)
Leave a comment below why you would want to win a Bella Sophia Watersling

Extra Entry Points

Subscribe to BellaSophiaCarriers.com!

Like CariBirth's (the manufacturer of Bella Sophia Carriers) Facebook Page
Follow BellaSophiaC on Twitter
Mention the give-away, on Facebook, Twitter or in a blogpost and link back

Contest Ends May 1st at 6:00 PM Aruban Time and will be chosen from Random.org

Because Chiggers like slings too

2011-04-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of The Bloggess. This irreverent and satirically and sadistically funny woman who loves taxidermy, her husband Victor and zombies, nuff said. So when she blogged about a site that takes the "DNA" of your past tweets, and predicts what you'd most likely tweet next, I was curious to read what mine would say.

Put it this way, maybe I gotta lay off the breastfeeding, slings and language mixing.

Definitely add more coffee

Dahlia is my three year old daughter

And the absolute best one is

Because Chiggers like slings too

Postnatal Class @ Prana a success!

2011-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

The recent postnatal class of March 28th at Prana was a hit. Shanti Gould, a certified prenatal and postnatal yoga instructor knows her stuff and knoThe recent postnatal class of March 28th at Prana was a hit. Shanti Gould, a certified prenatal and postnatal yoga instructor knows her stuff and knows how to organize classes that are specially designed for mothers and their babies.

I was honored to be part of that as I was invited at the end of the class for a little 'sling-meet' with the moms. We spoke briefly about why babywearing is so wonderful, which carriers worked for them [and which didn't] and why. Moms also had an opportunity to try any which carrier out with their bub. The atmosphere was relaxed and the mood was light. No obligation to try nor buy, just moms having fun exploring this thing called babywearing.ws how to organize classes that are specially designed for mothers and their babies.
laxed and the mood was light. No obligation to try nor buy, just moms having fun exploring this thing called babywearing.

You don't have to have been in the prenatal class to be able to attend the postnatal one! If you've recently had a baby, you're more than welcome to join! Contact Shanti at 737-2984 for more information!

For more updates and info on all my business', CariBirth, activities, click here

The 15 things I love about breastfeeding

2011-03-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Reposted with Permission

Originally blogged at "The Young Johnsons" by Jill Johnson

This post was written by my cousin's wife Jill. Although Kyle, Jill and baby Jack live in the States, Jack is still half Aruban and merits a special spot on this site. Take it away, Jill...

15 Things I Love About Breastfeeding

Poopy diapers aren't so scary
Being everything my son needs to live. Wow.
Burning calories while sitting on my big post-pregnancy butt
Motivates me to continue to eat nutritiously & drink tons of water
The glorious delayed return of Aunt Flow
I can text, talk, read, eat, type all while feeding him
Rockin' nutritional value for him
It gives me a chance to give Jack his mani/pedi
Makes me feel empowered that we overcame the "beginner's difficulties"
Saving money is always fun
Getting the chance to play with his chubby thighs, hands, arms, and tiny feet at least 6 times a day
9 out of 10 times he will pass out in my arms after nursing
The way he looks up at me while eating is intoxicating
Food needs no preparation...which is nice when I'm barely awake
I get to keep Jack close

Recap of the month of March [MARCH MADNESS!]

2011-03-23T15:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I've been pretty quiet this month, but it's only because I am crazy busy up and down like a mad woman. A lot of cool stuff has happened [ and yet to happen this month] and I'm eager to finally sit down and share it with you all.

Official Seminar from Pro Lechi Mama Foundation : "The New legislation on breastfeeding - a win win for both employer and employee"

Stefan Kleintjes

This seminar will take place May 5th and is going to be huge-mongous. It is geared toward all the major employers on Aruba, and the little ones too. Mostly towards the ones who employ a great deal of women. We found it imperative that this seminar take place because of all the negative feedback there's been in connection with the law. Employers are confused and thus [sometimes unwittingly] hesitate to cooperate, some female employees see the law as a ticket for 9 months of fun and long breaks [not the point] and there is general confusion as to the interpretation and implementation of this life-sustaining law. We've decided to go all out on the venue and the evening. It is a short seminar, but jam packed with the latest information on laws, clarifications of such and ramifications for those who set themselves against it. On the program there will be 3 speakers, one from Holland, namely Stefan Kleintjes, a children's dietician and breastfeeding guru. Monica Kock, a local lawyer and former parliamentarian who also endorsed this law to make it a reality. And a member of Pro Lechi Mama, namely, yours truly.

Yes. You read correct. Me. I am going to give a discourse [the first and opening one to be exact] and I am to the point of fright. I've been on symposiums on stages, sang in front of crowds, given lectures and classes..but I don't know about this gig. This is a SEMINAR. With a lot of respected business men and women. People are going to be watching me, listening to me, examining me and my every word and while this thought scares the daylights out of me, it's also empowering. How many women, how many young women, receive the opportunity to say something that may potentially impact someones view, especially someone's view on something so important to our society in so many aspects, our mentality on breastfeeding. I am deeply privileged and honored [to say the least!] to be granted a chance to speak on the foundation's behalf about the plight that working mothers face. The difficulty and hardships they go through when their employer refuses to cooperate with the law. What an honor to be able to speak directly to these people, to their minds and hearts [because breastfeeding stems from the heart really, whether it is loved or hated] and possibly challenge them to change a mistaken view to be able to improve the lives of our babies and our mothers. I am deeply humbled.

Oh, and freakin' terrified too!

Besides all the terror with having to make a powerpoint [I'm so procrastinating] I've also had to spearhead the whole thing because [DUH] I keep forgetting, I am now President Elect of the Foundation. We've set up a petite committee to handle the majority of the decisions and tasks and like little ants that spotted crumbs on the floor, we're rushing and squirming around trying to get things done.

Breastfeeding and Babywearing class hosted by Prana

March 21st, this past Monday, I gave my quarterly class and the audience was the biggest it ever was [25 people in total!]. The class compromised of many people including a midwife, a couple expecting triplets and a parliamentarian and his significant other. I was nervous as I saw so many people rolling in, but, after setting up, I hurried to the back room, took some deep breaths, told myself I was ready and walked back in. The beginning of the class is always the toughest because there's so many people and it's difficult to command the attention of the room. I speak with conviction but the reality of the matter is that I dread if someone has to vehemently oppose something I say and cast doubt on my credibility. Confrontation scares me. Haha. But, in essence, everything went smoothly. After the first ten minutes of almost silence [except for me talking] the class became more involved. Throwing in a joke here and there is my way of keeping the mood light and from it getting too lecture-ish. I revise my powerpoint each time and in the babywearing part, I did a part especially dedicated to the claim that carrying your baby in a carriers that keeps their legs open and spread apart is detrimental to the proper development of the hips and legs. This part kept them awake, and I had fun observing the class come to life when we went into that direction. God, I love this job.

The best part of the class? The set-up. When I was setting up, there were already some couples there. Once I was nearly finished, 3/4 of the class were in place and as I pulled out the pink watersling to put on the mannequin, everyone who had been chattering and chit-chatting all of a sudden became silent. It was as if a silence had dropped over the classroom and I could swear I heard a tiny gasp of awe at the stunning hot pink ringsling. I smiled to myself and carried on as if nothing was different. AWESOME.

Bella Sophia's glamorous babywearing photoshoots

This was the most time consuming but also most rewarding. It's not easy doing shoots with babies and carriers, so I appreciate all the models glamming up and getting their diva on for these shots. There were some at the beach, others at other stunning locations that will be revealed soon in a grand fashion.

Local maternity boutique, Mommies & Bellies by Noraima and Tamara to be first Official Retailer of Bella Sophia Carriers
Holy moly. Did you see this coming? I sure didn't. I mean, well, I dreamed about it, but did I expect it to materialize so quickly and so passionately, NEVER! The owners of Mommies and Bellies were beyond thrilled at the thought of selling something so unique, so cool and natural but also locally made. Bella Sophia is taking off and I'm holding on tight because it's gonna be a wild ride this year! Craving more info on Bella Sophia? Visit our sister site here!

Bella Sophia, although still in its infancy, is proving to be a formidable brand in the market of carriers sold here on Aruba. Whether imported from abroad or made locally as well, Bella Sophia stands out in a league of its own known for its stylishness, workmanship, safety, and the sheer diversity and selection of carriers. Despite the negativity surrounding the beginning of Bella Sophia from the nay-sayers, it's taken off and shook things up by offering yet another choice for the modern day natural parent. You don't have to believe me, take a look for yourself!

Once monthly sling stand at Prana's postnatal class

My most recent invitation came from my dear friend Shanti, a certified prenatal yoga instructor teaching at Prana prenatal and postnatal health centrum. We've already been doing the classes together for a year and now she's invited me to set up a sling stand in her postnatal class for the moms who may have found renewed interest in babywearing, or who may have bought a carrier but are still unsure about their abilities. Since the launching of Bella Sophia, it was very convenient for her to have the same person giving babywearing classes, to also set up a sling stand in the class there after, so it was only natural that we combine forces again. I must admit, I am very excited for Monday's first stand, March 28th, at 12 noon. I'm still working on making/finding a rack to display the slings on, but so far I'm still missing a stand-type thing to hang/attach the rack to. Have any ideas for me?

Many times, the pictures are awed and gawked at, but often time the photographer gets left in the background. So I want to take this opportunity to thank Bella Sophia's personal photographer, Angelo Flanegin, for always being available, even at the last minute, to capture the true beauty of the slings with your stunning Nikon D200 and D300 and amazing Sigma Lens. Thank you.

Breastfeeding Beauties

2011-03-12T23:01:00.000-08:00

Today's breastfeeding beauty is a repeat (different shot). It was taken during our glamorous babywearing photoshoot for Bella Sophia Carriers and at the end, Eva decided it was time for a snack

Andrea & Eva 25 months

Felt Cookies and Cupcakes ~ My new found love

2011-03-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

Felt - a substance I had only dealt with in my early school years. A material I dreaded as I never found arts and crafts to be enjoyable. Odd eh? And now, at 22 years of age, it's as if my creative and girly side has kicked in and I want to sew everything in sight.

My latest project is felt cookies and cupcakes, obviously because cookies are the easiest to make. I told myself that I am making felt foodies for two primary reasons;

As a hobby, to relax and enjoy myself while I make them
For my 3-year-old daughter to play with in her kitchen

The first time I sat down and made something, I think I ended up being more stressed out and frustrated at my lack of creativity and dexterity than I had fun with it. For some reason, I did not look up tutorials right away and decided to 'wing it'. Bad idea. The first cookie, donut, and cupcake turned out..well.. interesting. The second night though, I decided to look up what a blanket stitch was and how to make pleats, and general cute cookie & cupcake ideas. Let me say this, if I'm gonna be making this improvement each subsequent time I sit down and make foodies, I will be a felt cookie and cupcake MASTER in no time. I was pretty proud of what I produced yesterday seeing that I am a void of artfulness and workmanship.

You know what I loved most?

When I handed my daughter her presents, she was overjoyed. The sheer thrill on her face when she looked at them. It made me feel good that she loved them even though they weren't sewn perfectly, or measured or cut precisely. Maybe I can learn to enjoy gifts more if I stopped looking at anything that's amiss and just love the gift itself.

My next felt creation? Pizza, hopefully some sushi, and a sandwich!

Single Mothers, you CAN succeed!

2011-03-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

I've been wallowing in self-pity for a while since my (ahem, divorce) entering single motherhood for the second time around. Despite having other amazing things going on in my life right now like the honor of being elected President of Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama Aruba and my business' new line of baby carriers ~ Bella Sophia (meaning beautiful Sophia, my daughter's second name) I've been feeling down in the dumps where my personal life is concerned. While it is rare that I go into detail about my romantic relationships on my blog unless it will empower other mothers, I decided to write about what makes me feel so crappy and how I could make myself feel better and potentially help other single moms too.

Things I fear about Single Motherhood

The dreaded "Who's my real dad, and why don't we all live together?" question. I know this is a part of life and in many instances, a real frequently occurring part of life, but this doesn't translate into it being easy or even pleasurable for me to want to answer it.
The second dreaded "How it is possible that I have a brother that is 2 and a half months older than me?" question. This fits right up there with the first, except, I know it'll take her longer to come to the above mentioned realization to be able to ask this dreaded question. I don't want to be a "Don't-ask-don't-tell" kind of parent, but honestly, how on earth am I supposed to explain this in a neutral and respectful and yet honest manner?
Step-moms/absent biological fathers/step-dads/mother-caught-in-between. Let's be absolutely frank, when a man and a woman have a kid together and then separate, and then [insert whichever option most acceptable to you] re-marry, there will be inevitable tension at some point in time. Step-mothers usurping the authority of birth mothers, step-fathers taking the initiative to raise a fatherless child and then the real father gets upset but he shouldn't because he was the one who was absent to begin with. I can't seem to find my niche in all of this. I've tried and this blended family thing is frustrating for me. The other woman in this story grew up in a blended family herself and told me that these things are common and that I should just let go and embrace it. When she told me this, I didn't know if I should have laughed or cried, all I knew was that I wanted someone to shoot me.
Will I be able to raise a child on my own? I've spent the last 3+ years worrying and fretting about this, and the funny thing is, I've been doing it unwittingly. We humans are tenacious and adaptable and while I worry myself to death (I'm a terrible worrier) my daughter who was once a babe, is now a happy, vivacious, care-free, 3-year-old that is surrounded by more people who love her than she could possibly lack. My parents ended up being co-parents (odd and frustrating at times, but in the long-run worthwhile) and I've learned even more how much I can rely on them. I've heard many other young moms admit that they never felt such a strong attachment and love for their mothers until they were pregnant. It's not that we never loved our moms it's just that epiphany like state that you float in when all of a sudden you feel the love your mother felt when she carried, birthed and raised you. So I did not end up raising her on my own.
Not having a constant co-parent to step in when you need a time-out. This is one of the hardest things about being a single parent. It's the end of the day, you had a pretty lousy day, your child seems to have had the same day and is also in a "mood", you're tired, you've got things to do, chores to take care of, bills to figure out how you're gonna pay and a kid to get ready for bed. Then, your usually sweet and adorable child starts acting out [insert, due to over stimulation, stress, boredom, tiredness] and is defiant about taking a shower and getting ready for bed. This is where it's hardest being a single parent. You have no back-up to call and take over for you to take a breather or a long walk. It's you, yourself, and your short fuse. At these times I usually just break down and cry, and at times it's in front of Dahlia and then I feel worse because she gets so sad and starts consoling me by telling me "Don't worry, I'm here, don't cry mama". I'll just chalk this all up to a real life lesson in empathy and hope my kid takes away from it that even mamas are human and cry.
What others will think of me. It is not a secret that people judge. People judge young mothers. People judge young single mothers.Besides being a terrible worrier, I am also a person who cares just a tad too much about what others say/think about me. My mom once told me that "40 % of people will love you, 40% of people will dislike you and the other 20% will remain undecided." Uh, how is this supposed to help me Ma? It basically means, just make sure you're in the right things, (because a thief can't get angry for people talking bad about the fact that he steals) and forget what everyone else has to say. How are you supposed to live any kind of life if you're constantly worrying about what everyone might be saying about you.

And my number one thing I dread about single motherhood is...

When will I have another child? This is the thing that freaks me out the most. Because of the mess I went through with Dahlia's biological father, I swore never to have another child out-of-wedlock. I also swore never to get divorced. And then I got divorced. I'm stuck in this limbo of not knowing what situation will suit me best. Stay single or unmarried for the rest of my life? Take a chance again at marriage? Microsoft Word has an undo button that if you click it enough, it brings you back to a clean white page, right where you started. I have often times wished my life had an "undo" button. But then I think, what if I undid my past with Dahlia's father.. I wouldn't have Dahlia now and I wouldn't be where I am right now, experiencing the happiest of times in my life because of the love of a child. And then I acquiesce and all of a sudden I realize I don't need that button anymore. So back to my concerns. Because of my single motherhood status I wonder when will I have another child. In my plans were about 3-4 more children. Not in my plans was divorce. But I guess even the best laid plans...go awry. I try to comfort myself with my age. I am merely 22 and I don't have my "clock" ticking (YET) so I console myself with affirmations that if I take the time and do it right this time around, I will have my truck-load of kids with a man who wants them and who wants me, even when I'm old and wrinkly and can brush my teeth while I have a full-blown conversation.

Things I [~~insert love]~~ learned about single motherhood that made me stronger

If it doesn't kill you, or make you commit suicide/end up on anti-depressants, it just might make you stronger. Do you know what is stronger than bone? A broken one. Once a broken bone heals up, it becomes stronger than before making it even harder to fracture a second time around. When I became a single mother for the first time, I was terrified. Terrified about what people would think, terrified about being just another statistic, another stereotype and then, I said something to my child's father that echoes in my head to this day. And I quote " I will walk out of my house with my daughter and no wedding ring on my finger and I will hold my head up high because I was strong enough to leave a bad relationship." And then it was done. I handed it over. All my shame, I gave it back. I had nothing to do with feeling ashamed of being a single mother for making the right choice. 3 Years has since passed and although the darkest moments envelopes you like a black cloud leaving you gasping for air, they are far too few and in between to be able to come near to the best moments of your life that you spend with your child.
It takes two to make a kid, but if only one is left, that one is certainly capable of raising a well-adjusted, integrated and loving human being. Some of the most respectful men come from single-parent homes in which the single parent was the mother. Note that I did not say that all men who come from single mothers are respectful, nor did I purport that men who come from dual-parent families are disrespectful, but often times a young man who sees the struggle and triumph that his mother goes through while raising him (and possibly other siblings) is more likely to be empathetic towards women. More understanding, more in touch with a sensitive and reassuring side. Single mothers, you might not have a father figure in your son's life, but you are more than capable of teaching your son how a real father, and man is supposed to treat a woman, with dignity and respect.

And the number one thing I learned from being a single mother is

Parent as if you had a co-parent, live as if you lacked nothing. A lot of people complain that they are not the happy, patient people they know they are or can be because of their present circumstances and although I completely understand that difficult situations can dampen our moods significantly, at the end of the day we all stand responsible for our own actions. Don't say, 'If only I had a partner to make me feel complete, then my child could actually see a happy mommy'. Your child deserves a happy mother whether you are single or not. Even though to some the pain of singleness feels like birth pangs, I dare you, I challenge you to parent your child as if you did have a partner, treat your child as if you had infinite amounts of patience and love your child as if you lacked absolutely nothing in the world because in fact, your child loves you even if you lack everything else in the world. Is that not worth it all?

Babywearing Grandmothers

2011-02-28T05:38:00.000-08:00

Babywearing Grandma

There are a plethora of benefits for a baby when his mother or father wears him in a sling or wrap. In these days, many grandmothers watch after their grandchildren, of which many are still young and strong enough to freely go out and about with their grandchildren. For these, a sling or wrap may prove very useful and practical as they may or may not lack the strength to tote around yet another generation.

One doesn't come across many pictures of babywearing grandmothers on the web, and if you do, many are aged ones. Here's my seamstress (who is also a grandmother to small grandchildren) sporting our new linen ring sling by Bella Sophia.

If you'd like to use these pictures as illustrations, just drop an email and I'll be happy to send you some without watermarks if photo credits are placed.

Why I'm not waiting to have a baby boy to stand up for Intactivism

2011-02-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

While dropping my daughter off at pre-school the other day, one of the little boys in her class had his underwear on the wrong way. This caused him to expose his genitals and when I unexpectedly caught a glimpse, it struck a cord inside me, one I had never felt before. The little boy's penis was circumcised. A flood of thoughts inundated me as I felt cut deep inside me, just as this little boy had been cut as a baby. This is the day I became an Intactivist.

As the mother of just one, a daughter, circumcision is not a topic that steadily occupies your mind. You read about it, you are dismayed at the act, you research it in case you must defend intactivism, but perhaps you don't champion it as passionately if you'd had a son. This was true in my case. I knew that if I have sons in the future, none of them would ever be touched by a blade to their foreskin. However, I guess I never felt personally inclined about little boys' penises until that day at pre-school.

I couldn't get it out of my mind. Every little boy that I had ever taken care of, or seen, had a normal looking penis. So when I caught a glimpse of this altered one, I was taken back. I felt hurt when I imagined how he must have screamed for help during this elective cosmetic surgery. I grew angrier at it, resolving in my heart that if I have a son, or many sons, I would never let anyone mutilate his penis. I resolved to speak out against MGM more often and to educate myself more. Let us all, mothers of girls and boys alike, be determined to advocate and educate so that parents of baby boys wake up and realize and avoid having to apologize...later on

We're Sporting a new look!

2011-02-25T08:33:00.001-08:00

Have you noticed that ABM had a make-over! I don't profess to know much about designing websites, but I'm pretty proud of myself so far. Keep coming back to see updates on the new look, because I'll be adding new features soon!

The Official proposal of the National Aruban Breastfeeding Policy

2011-02-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

Images Courtesy of 24ora.com

Friday February 18th 2011
Cabinet Conference Room
Parliament
Oranjestad, Aruba

In a meeting held at 2 o'clock at Parliament with His Excellency Richard Visser, and Her Excellency Michelle Hooyboer-Winklaar, The National Breastfeeding Platform handed in the official 2011-2015 Breastfeeding Policy for it to be implemented into all the aspects of Maternal-child health on Aruba.

As part of that platform (representing Pro Lechi Mama) I was honored to be part of the handing over ceremony because this is a huge step forward for breastfeeding. It's only the beginning of the road, but we can see everything that so many women (and some men!) have fought hard for, for many years, is finally materializing thanks to government officials who do see the importance and value of sustaining, advocating for, and protecting lactating mothers and their babies.

In the short but highly anticipated meeting with Minister Visser and Minister Hooyboer-Winklaar, Minouche Lopez and Caroll Kock spoke briefly about the present of breastfeeding, the future and the hopes and expectations this policy will bring. Two beautifully made and bound NBBAs (Nacionaal Beleidsplan Borstvoeding Aruba) were handed over along with two sand-clocks sporting gold toned sand representing the fact that human milk is rightly seen as liquid gold. Both Ministers were overjoyed at the breastfeeding memorabilia and her Excellency said she would put it on her desk.

Hooray for breastfeeding, Hooray!

Breastfeeding Beauties

2011-02-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

During a babywearing photo shoot today with Sharine Hart, Ariella (her adorable baby) decided it was time for a break, and a snack too! Look what a precious moment we caught with Sharine, Fabienne and Ariella

Photography by Angelo Flanegin

Mothers who blame others just to perpetuate their guilt

2011-02-12T22:09:00.000-08:00

A mother has had two cesareans and is pregnant with her third child. She vows to change her whole life style and make choices that will lead to a healthy pregnancy and subsequently a healthy vaginal birth this time around. For medical reasons beyond her control, she must have yet a third c-section. Her daughter is born healthy but she is rightfully downhearted and crushed and goes on to deal with the aftermath of yet another surgical birth. She understands that the reasons for the cesarean this time around were warranted, and that she had done everything possible to lead up to the birth she had desired - a vaginal birth. She still cannot come to terms and starts to victimize herself unnecessarily. If she reads about women having homebirth stories, she gets upset at them, and feels worthless. If a friend has a successful unmedicated hospital birth, she digs her hole of guilt deeper and feels anger at her friend.

Another mother is overjoyed at the birth of her second child. The breastfeeding did not work out the first time around, and she desperately tries the second time around. To her dismay, and for reasons beyond her control, it fails to work out again for her and she must supplement. She feels worthless. She feels alone, like a failure of a mother. Her guilt is compounded by the exceptionally high standards she has set for herself as a mother - breastfeed or bust. My milk or no milk. She doesn't seek donor milk and turns to formula. Each bottle she prepares makes her grit her teeth. Every successful breastfeeding story she hears or reads, she is filled with anger. If she sees, hears or reads about other mothers having enough to donate, she feels even lower to the ground. She simply cannot come to terms with not meeting the goal she set before her, and she blames herself, but she starts blaming every breastfeeding mother who did go on to breastfeed successfully for making her feel worse.

These two women have a few things in common: :

They are goal-oriented people
They failed to meet the goal they set before them despite trying their best
They are guilt-ridden because of not meeting that goal
Despite the fact that no one ever said anything to make them feel guilty, they consider anyone who met their goals successfully as competition, and started blaming those people for their feelings of guilt

There are generally three types of mothers :

Mothers who rightfully feel guilty about not meeting their goals but eventually accept it and move on
Mothers who don't care if they met their goal or not, it's o.k right? My baby is healthy so whatever
Mothers who feel guilty about not reaching their goal, who continually beat themselves up for it and who because of their inferiority complex, don't want to see any other woman succeed.

The latter type don't just exist in the mother-form, they come in all shapes, ages, sizes and races of people. These are called downers. They failed at something, can't come to terms with it, and so can't move past it, and want to keep you feeling sorry for them, while they wish you the same fate.

I can't deal with women like this.

I am not insensitive to your feelings, but the fact is that your guilt has an ulterior motive. Your guilt has facets and different shades to it. This part, I don't like. If I can produce enough milk to feed a continent, but you cannot, don't blame me for it. Don't tell me that I made your self-esteem plummet. You should be happy, why? Because my ability can mean more human milk, for more human babies other than my own. As for the woman who scorns any vaginal birthing mother. If I gave birth to 8 children, all at home, without a hitch, it is what it is. I never said, or even implied you were less of a mother because you've birthed all your children surgically. I feel for you, I understand you, but it doesn't give you the right to think ill of me, or dislike me because I met a goal that you set for yourself. This is beyond my control, and it is beyond yours as well.

The blame game brings nothing but bad fame

When things go awry, and not exactly how they want it to go, some have a tendency to blame. They can't deal with the outcome, no matter who's fault and just needs a scapegoat. Maybe it was even their own fault, but can't bear the cost of guilt and want to place culpability on someone besides themselves. These same people tend to have a domineering personality. They need to be in constant control of their surroundings, and can't take things as they come. This type of mentality only sets you up for utter frustration, stress and a stroke. When it comes to parenting, especially the field of birth and breastfeeding, there isn't a sure guarantee. No one woman can perfectly dictate her moves and expect 100% success. Life simply isn't that way, and parenting sure as hell is the farthest things away from that. That being said, developing a more relaxed and balanced sense of self can be of great benefit. Try it one day, you just might like it

Mothers who blame just to get sympathy

This type of mother really pisses me off. Let's take the breastfeeding one as an example. She simply could not breastfeed. She did everything under the sun, according to any good advice she got, from LCs, breastfeeding mothers, everyone. She studied, took classes, read books, blogs and everything in between but for reasons beyond her control she did not succeed. Because she ended up supplementing, she feels guilty every time she hears about others having enough milk to feed Maria, Josefina and Conchita's babies. What does this mother do? She starts whining, and complaining how hearing about other women succeeding makes her feel inferior. "Awhhh, poor you, I feel sorry for you. Shame on that ungrateful mother who makes 40 ounces of milk each feeding, shame on that walking talking cow. And here you are, not enough for one. You're right, that other mother is ungrateful, I don't like her either. You know I heard one day that she.." And then blamegame mama got you. She got you to feel just the way she does. It's a vicious cycle.

This has got to stop

Because of the ease of the internet, and the sheer ubiquitous accessibility, anyone and everyone can have a space on the net to say what they want, whether this may hurt others or not. They take it one step farther. Instead of confining their rants and narrow mindedness to their own space, they hunt for other people's space to unleash everything they've kept pent up inside them. They have zero disregard for the feelings of others and they're ready to demonstrate that.

Now hold up, can you stop this now? We know you are mad, mad at your circumstances, mad at the lot that was dealt to you, but can you go back? This isn't Staples, there's no easy button here. So please, do me a favor, do yourself a favor and just deal.with.it. If this means seeking help beyond your circle of listening ears, then, by all means, do it. Don't do it for me, don't do it for your kid or your husband, do it for yourself. Why? Because life is full of unfulfilled expectations and disappointments, and if you let every single event get to you, especially the big ones, the next unmet goal just might kill you. Take it from me, there are enough diseases out there that can kill you without you bringing it upon your organism, why make stress be the one to get you?

On this day, three years ago

2011-02-11T09:35:00.000-08:00

Although I choose not to celebrate birthdays, I will sit and recollect how on this day, exactly three years ago, my first and only child was born. I've come to notice that I have never shared my birth story of Dahlia. I think this is a fitting opportunity to do so.

February 6th 2008

I wake up early that morning to a text from a friend I'd met in childbirth education classes, Fleur, that she had just given birth to a beautiful son, Joey. We both had the same EDD and were both first time mothers. I was very happy to hear she had finally popped. I was 41 weeks exactly and although I was eager to meet Dahlia, I wasn't worried about going over 40 weeks.

I had my last routine midwifery appointment that morning, and this time my mother came along. The midwife said everything looked perfect and that hopefully she would not see me next week again. She then asked if she could strip my membranes to "get things moving along". I didn't know much about induction back then but I figured that at 41 weeks, it sounded ok to help things along. She did a vaginal exam and told me I was 1 cm dilated but that the baby had not dropped yet. She stripped my membranes and bode me farewell.

Over the past few weeks, my blood pressure had steadily been rising to an uncomfortable level. From the beginning of the pregnancy I had an unusual amount of proteins in my urine but my blood pressure was always fine. So when my blood pressure went higher and higher, it preoccupied my midwife. At that same last appointment she had me draw some blood before we did the vaginal exam. After the appointment was over, she said that she would call with the results only if they were troublesome. Bless her soul, she was so calm all throughout my pregnancy and she never ever made me worry.

Later that afternoon, to our displeasure, we got a call from the midwife. She said that the results of the blood test showed a high amount of proteins and that she was handing me over to the care of my gynecologist. She instructed us to go to the hospital for monitoring and care. I was nervous. I was excited, but nervous because she sounded serious. But.. there we all went, packed up the bags, and left. I was 19 years old.

We got to the hospital and they monitored me for what seemed like an eternity. The fetal heart rate monitor showed no signs of distress but it was registering some major contractions, of which I felt none. From that moment on, I didn't trust that monitor with measuring my contractions.

They sent me to my room and I was to stay in the hospital until I gave birth. That sucked big time. I was admitted on a Wednesday. Thursday rolled around with no action, and then Friday as well. Because it was the weekend, I would be taken care of by the gynecologist on call, Dr. H. On Friday night, Dr. H was making the rounds, and before he could slip out of the room without even speaking to me, I called him over. "Dr H!" I exclaimed. "What about me? Is everything looking ok?" He picked up my chart and said with the slightest emotion, "Ah yes, well, if you don't go into labor by Monday, we'll induce you" I thought to myself "INDUCE?! ARE YOU NUTS?!" Well... Dahlia must have heard him because that night, labor started.

Saturday, foreday morning, 1:30 AM February 9th 2008

I woke up to pee for the millionth time, and while on the toilet it hit me. Pain hit me. I knew this was it. There was no trace of doubt left. I got up, and instinct took over. I had attended the most natural childbirth education classes on the island but my reading was limited to "What to expect when you're expecting" and "FitPregnancy" so I just did what I thought was natural to do. Walk around. From the very beginning my contractions were regular, every 3-4 minutes, lasting 30 seconds. They weren't dreadfully painful but it did take my concentration. In between them, it was as if nothing was going on. At some point in time, after begging the nurses to put me on the monitor, that stupid machine registered very very little. I knew then for sure, I couldn't trust that contraption. The nurses urged me to go rest because I would tire myself out before the real action began. So like a little puppy, I obediently walked back to my bed and rested. It was much more uncomfortable on the bed but I stayed there.

Saturday morning, 10 am February 9th 2008

My mother comes to visit me in hospital and the contractions are still going strong. I'm able to talk in between them normally, but have to focus on breathing and relaxing myself during them. We were all excited because it was finally happening. the whole day I had visitors and we sat and talked and laughed. They laughed at me quite a bit because I would be telling them something and then all of a sudden I tell them to "SHUSH!" and close my eyes and start my deep inhaling and exhaling, and then it was over and I picked up right where I left off. It was a real trip to see that now that I look back. I handled the contractions very well, so well that many of the nurses didn't even know or believe I was in much pain so they didn't really pay too much attention to me. I thought this was scandalous back then, but now that I think about, they did good just letting me be to labor on my own without disturbing me. Thank you L&D ward nurses

Saturday Night, 9 pm February 9th 2008

With contractions still at 3-4 minutes having labored the whole day, I was pretty tired. The nurse walked in and asked me if I wanted something to relieve the pain. Naively I said ok. I knew she wasn't giving me an epidural because they aren't that common in Aruba, and you have to pay big money for them. I had no clue what on earth she was going to give me, but I didn't think anything of it. She brought this huge needle and gave me a shot in my thigh that made the muscle contract like hell. I asked her what it was and she just told me that it would help me sleep. Boy, was she right. That stuff knocked.me.out. I was in a haze and all I could recollect is walking up in the middle of the night for contractions that were really strong. For the rest, I was snoozing like a baby.

Sunday morning, February 10th 2008

Sunday came and went by with the same tune as Saturday. My parents visited, we talked, had fun and waited anxiously to see when this baby would come. That night, the nurses again offered me the pain relief. Bear in mind that I not once uttered the words "Give me something against the pain please", I never even hinted at it. They came to me offering it, but I also didn't turn it down. So that night, I got another dose of Demerol. I honestly think it built up in my system because I became even groggier and if I woke up that night, it had felt like a dream, so surreal.

Monday Morning 10 am February 11th 2008

I was so glad for Monday to reach because it meant that my rocking female ob/gyn was gonna show up, Dr. M. She came in, she asked to do a vaginal exam, which I was more than happy to oblige and announced that I was 5 cm dilated. Boy was I happy to hear those days of laboring weren't for nothing. At this point in time, I had been laboring since the beginning of Saturday, which had been a total of 56 and a half hours. Once they announced that I was 5 cm, things started moving. I was put into the Labor and delivery room, which was a cold, sterile room with dark blue tiles and the farthest feeling from comfort. My dad hopped on to the recliner and fell asleep to the point of snoring. My mom looked at him and asked him if he was planning on staying in the L&D room for the birth, and of course my dad was all like' hell no', so my mom then informed my dad that he would then have to leave the room according to hospital protocol, which he did.

Because of having received so much pain medication, I was woozy, and my labor had also slowed. The contractions that were once 3-4 minutes apart when I had no medication in my system, slowed to 10 minutes apart. So after administering more wooz-juice, they also gave me pitocin to speed it up (can anyone say oxymoron?). Dr. M told me she would break my waters, and when she did (which was btw, one of the worst feelings ever) the water was green and murky, but Dahlia's heart rate never showed any compromise so I never worried. They then put an internal fetal heart rate monitor on Dahlia's head, strapped me down with monitors and said , see you later. I couldn't get off the bed and the contractions were starting to get so strong because of the pitocin. The demerol made me so woozy that I would be awake for the intense contractions and then fall back into a deep sleep. It was surreal, nothing felt real. The contractions were like waves, some crashing into me, just when one was subsiding. I must admit that, although the contractions were sometimes too difficult to bear, there was only one time that I thought to myself, "o.k this needs to be over, I want a cesarean to get this pain to stop NOW!" I remember hushing my mom or ex-partner, to be able to concentrate on the contractions. I remember the room become hot, so I needed someone to fan me. And then, I remember the urge to bear down. Although I was young, I had read enough of the process and I never doubted what stage I was in when it was happening. When I got the urge to bear down, I told my mom to call the nurses right away. They told me to wait. "WAIT?! are you nuts?! I need to push, my body is telling me to push, I can't stop this feeling!" They nurses came, checked me, I was at 10 cm and they gave me the green light to do something my body had already signaled me to do. So I started pushing. I hated that they wanted to coach me, but I did my best to follow their instructions while still following my urges. I pushed, I pushed, I pushed. Eventually Dr. M got there and she took over. There I was , sprawled out on my back like a stranded beetle. It was a little after 4 and Dahlia's head was visible. I guess the doctor thought she looked too big, so she informed me she was going to perform an episiotomy, after she said that, I reminded her that I wanted Dahlia on my chest right away to breastfeed her. In my haze, I agreed to the episiotomy. I was like a test subject that said yes to everything. It was a scary feeling, now that I think about it. She numbed the area with a big needle of local anesthetic, and snipped it. Boy was that a strange sensation. No pain, but it was super weird. I was cut and after a few pushes, at 5:10 pm, Dahlia was born. All I could hear was my mom snicker and cry at the birth of her first grandchild. Dahlia's birth father cut the cord, and ten minutes after, he took off and left. That's a whole other story.

5:40 pm February 11th 2008

Trying to get Dahlia to breastfeed was difficult. She showed no interest, and I now understand it was because she was incredibly groggy from so much pain medication. Her Apgar score was 9 the first time, and 10 the second time. She responded, she just wasn't that into my breast. Great. My mom told me that as Dahlia was being born, a gush of blood shot out. That freaked me out. After I reveled in Dahlia's fatness, they took her to be weighed and "cleaned" and it was time to get the placenta out. I hate L&D rooms, everything is so rush rush, like a fast food joint. Get your order, and get out. I don't remember the contractions for the placenta, but what I will never forget is the sensation of the smooth, slick and slippery afterbirth sliding out of my vagina on to the bed. They didn't show it to me, nor was I interested back then, in looking at it. I was pretty squeamish, and even refused the mirror they offered me to be able to see her crowning. I was then stitched up, and my happy meal (Dahlia) was handed over to me, and we were rolled up to the maternity ward.

Up on the maternity ward, friends and family visited and after all was calm I settled in to get down to the business of breastfeeding. Over the next few weeks, we struggled with a bad latch, bad advice, cracked bleeding nipples,flat nippleds and, a pesky preference for the nipple shield, but at the same time, my love affair with breastfeeding began and eventually, with help and a loooooot of perseverance, we kept at it, and breastfeeding became amazing. I went on to exclusively breastfeed Dahlia for six months, working full time. We bed-shared, and I took her everywhere I went. When Dahlia was a year and a few months, and started to take interest in the world around her, I mistook her new found love (now everything else besides my breasts) for signs of weaning and slowly but surely, she weaned. I don't remember the last time I breastfed her, which is sad, but at least, even though I had wanted to go for much longer, it was not taken away from her abruptly.

Dahlia is today three years old and when she lays in my arms at night, she'll sometimes ask for mum mums, which I gladly oblige her with. She suckles for a few seconds and then smiles and says she's done. I've grown a lot since her birth and I've learned so much from what I've been through, both good and bad. My experiences with a hospital birth setting have lead me to choose a homebirth for the next child, and to breastfeed until she is truly ready to move on. I do regret the choices I've made during the labor of my daughter, because it complicated things, and could have made things worse, but I have learned from them, learned the truth about them and I'm determined to avoid that path the second time around.

Sex-Ed for... Day Care/ Pre-school ?

2011-02-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

Dahlia has been going to one of the best day cares/ pre-schools on the island since the (way too young) age of 3 months. This is the same day care that I have gone to, my older brother, even my nearly 40-year-old cousin went there. In any case, Dahlia is now a few days away from turning 3 years old and there isn't a dull day if Dahlia's around. I usually pick her up from school around 5 pm and most of the kids play around until their parents pick them up.

Today was no different than any other day.

That is, until I picked her up and saw all the kids sitting ever so nicely in front of another teacher (not Dahlia's) while she held up two dolls.

Both dolls were naked, and one was clearly a boy doll and the other was a girl. She held the dolls up while all the little eyes glared at her, and she said loudly "This one is a boy because he has a pipi. Do you see the difference between these two dolls? Who can tell me what is the difference between a boy and a girl?"

My jaw dropped
when I stopped and listened to what she was teaching them. Why? Well, this class consisted of children ages 2 to 3 years old. Many obviously didn't understand where the teacher was going because when she asked what made boys different to girls, some kids started to scream "The leg! The leg". Clearly, however educational this teacher's intention was, the point was not coming across. I didn't say anything to her, I guess firstly because I was a bit stupefied at what I heard and saw, but also because I had just arrived at the beginning of this "life lesson", and Dahlia was all the way in the back, distracted by toddlerhood.

I got home and posted what I had just experienced on Facebook
and within a few minutes, I had a comment already. One of sheer disbelief. Why don't you just read it for yourself...

There were many opinions about the propriety of this teacher's actions, and the discussion eventually led into the direction of who's territory it is anyway, to educate a child about their genitals. It also gravitated into the direction of age-propriety and as with many hot topics, there were many differing but very respectful viewpoints.

So when does sex-ed start and who should initiate it?
I cautiously withheld my opinion on Facebook because I really wanted to know what other parents thought, and also because my opinion was coming here.

Here's the deal. To be honest, I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all age that applies to every child where this topic is concerned, but before we start talking about when, let's talk about why.

Why should I talk to my young child about penises, and vulvas?
Sorry to break it to you, but, when you became a parent, this came in the job description. Just like that annoying co-worker trying to shove that one annoying, painstaking task off on you each time, many parents have failed to fill the role of sex-educator. Instead, they push it off on teachers, Family Planning organizations, schools and even their children's peers, all for the sake of being a prude. This has to change for several reasons;

Human Sexuality is part of life, and curiosity of such is a normal and healthy part of development

If you don't talk to your child, someone else will, and chances are, your kid won't hear factual or appropriate information

To protect your child

Human Sexuality is part of life, and curiosity of such is a normal and healthy part of development

Have you ever seen a baby discover he has hands, or wait, the best one, feet! This self-realization fascinates the human baby to such an extent, that for some days, and even weeks, all they can do is play and obsess about that foot. Sucking on it, looking at it, playing, twiddling and fiddling with it. Curiosity about our genitals is no different. After all, a penis or vagina is simply an organ, a sex organ true, but it remains an organ much like our liver, lungs and brain.

Interest in genitals can arise at any age in a child, or a manifestation of interest can not be shown at all. So because of this, there is no standard age that kids should get "the first talk". Dahlia mentions her genitals, but only if she's showering or on the toilet. She doesn't talk or obsess about it outside of those places, but I do know kids who do mention their genitals in their day-to-day dealings. One day, when I picked up Dahlia from daycare (here we go again) I met up with a 3 1/2 year old boy in her class proclaiming loudly "I have a penis! I have a penis!" over and over and over again. When the teacher finally paid attention to what he was announcing to the world, she scolded him for uttering such a thing, and he quickly stopped. Yes little boy, you do have a penis, but, here's the thing, I don't want to be walking in a crowded supermarket one day when Dahlia decides to shout at the top of her lungs "I HAVE A PENIS!". I'd prefer to avoid that ~~please-make-the-ground-open-up-and-swallow-me-now~~ situation. Thank-you.

As I was saying. It's not dirty that a child realizes he has a sex-organ. To him it's just like a finger (for lack of a better illustration). It's how we react to his interest that can influence and affect his view on genitals, sex, and the right context. How have/would you react if your son or daughter asked you what a penis, or vagina/vulva was? Did/would you clam up and distract his attention away from his question? Would you break out the juice and cookies and have a man-to-man talk about the birds and the bees? Or have/would you simply answer the question, and gauge his interest and curiosity to see how much he knows and wants to know (of course, in an age appropriate manner.)

If you don't talk to your child, someone else will, and chances are, your kid won't hear factual or age-appropriate information

I decided long ago that I would speak to my child, at an early age, about his/her genitals. I would teach my child that girls have a vulva, and boys have a penis. Yes, I know the boy in school says it's a 'pipi' or the girl called it a 'nunu', but the real word for it is, penis and vulva. Why should I euphemize a body part? Because it's 'dirty', or 'taboo'? I for one don't think so. When we sugar coat, genitals, or the act of intercourse, we instill a shame of a natural act that has a time and place. If we shut down when it comes time to talk about these things, our children, whether child or teen, will get the hint that we are just too embarrassed to talk about it, which will in turn make them feel dirty for wanting to ask naturally occurring questions. Get over how you were raised, your hang-ups because how you feel about this can forever affect your child, for good or for bad.

Which brings me to my next point

To protect your child

Remember when I mentioned how I would raise my future child? Here's where the important part lays, I would teach him/her that his genitals are parts that no-one should touch, only mommy or daddy. Doctors may touch, only if mommy says it's o.k. And what about if someone who isn't allowed to see or touch those parts did so? Well, you tell me or your dad, right away. But firstly, you tell the person firmly, NO!

Children are more likely to be abused if they are not taught, from a very young age, what is correct and what isn't when it comes to their genitals. Children are all too easy prey for the perverted teen or adult seeking to "educate" the child what to do with those parts. Safeguard your children. Take the time to assess your own feelings about sex, and about talking about it with your child. Talk to your partner, what is his/her view on the matter? Is it something you've concluded both of you should do, at the same time? Separately? Only one parent will discuss it? These are things you need to consider before you start having kids.

Have practice sessions. Sit your child down, (perhaps preemptively or immediately following the question, depending on the situation) and let them ask or share with you what they know/heard. Remember, the older the child is, the more sense they have, the slower you should be about speaking or answering. With a young child, it's best to keep these sessions brief focusing on quick main points, and repeating it for emphasis. Don't underestimate the efficacy of repetition. Just like a child needs to be taught over and over which color is blue and which color is green, so should you be in educating your child, what actions are appropriate and what actions aren't, it's just more likely to stick that way.

Who should be the one responsible for sex-ed?

Honestly, I sincerely think it starts at home. A parent is responsible for teaching his/her child educational and protective measures. But because it may deal with sex, everybody is up in arms whenever the words sex-ed are mentioned. Some feel that a teacher has no right to sit and talk about this stuff with their child at all, yet some feel it's o.k as long as the parents were notified. I must admit, I'm glad I heard the teacher and her mini- "lesson" because Dahlia may have well come home and asked me "Mama, what is a pipi?" and I would be up most of the night wondering where on earth she heard that word from?!

What if a parents refuses, either outrightly or passively, to educate his/her child? Then I certainly think it may be beneficial, with parental consent of course, to teach the child age-appropriate information about his genitals, always encouraging him to go to his parents first whenever he feels like asking a question about that topic. You don't want to take over a parent's duty, but you also want to be discerning enough to detect an urgent need for this kind of information. You never know, it might protect that child one day.

All in all, I think this incident opened my eyes to the reality that my baby, is not an infant anymore. She is nearly three years old, and she's becoming very aware of everything around her.

I'm also going to nicely speak to the head of the school to see what's up with the spontaneous sex-ed? A little heads up next time would be appreciated.

My babywearing Journey

2011-02-09T19:17:00.000-08:00

I compiled a list of photos of me wearing Dahlia at different ages and stages in different carriers, to reminisce of her infancy, because she is soon approaching 3 years :(

Say Hello To Ellevill Zara TriGreen!

2011-02-04T05:53:00.000-08:00

I get as giddy as a school girl that just saw the Backstreet boys when I look at the wrap that's Aruba bound to my collection of carriers! I want you to say hello to the Ellevill Zara TriGreen cotton woven wrap!

Here is an excerpt from the Ellevill about this beautiful Wrap

"The new fantastic Zara tricolor.
Beautiful and fresh design with green, blue and brown. Woven wrap from ellevill, fits all seasons. Zara is made of 100 % cotton of best quality. Zara wraps are designed by ellevill and produced in India. It is a three-coloured, jacquard woven wrap with pattern. Give perfect support to your child, both small and toddler, optimal comfort and gives no pressure spots for either child or adult. The wrap is thin but fantastic steady. It also softens very quickly. The pattern is inspired by old Norwegian knitting recipes and clothes/rugs from South America.
Zara is easy to tie on because of the lopsided ends and leaves an incredible small knot. Wash before use in hot water and iron after wash to stretch fibres. "

I really love woven wraps, and I had been wanting to buy another one since my Didymos Eva is a size 5. For mothers of my height/weight/body structure, it's best to use a size 6 or longer to be able to do all the knots (like the wonderful wrap cross carry on the back)

The not so fun part of a new woven wrap
is how stiff it is when it's brand new. I suggest that whenever possible, buy a second-hand wrap. My very knowledgeable and experienced babywearing friend, Noortje, (who introduced me to wraps) taught me that trick. By the time I met her, her Didymos was a soft piece of sheer luxury, but she explained very well to me what it took to get to that point. A lot of companies recommend washing it frequently to soften it up (don't you just love that about the wrap, pop it in and out of the washer just like that) but Noortje had more in mind. She told me that to get to that soft feel only wraps can grant you, throw it on your couch, sit on it, lay on it, let your baby/toddler play with it, drag it all over, stretch it, tug it, basically "mistreat" it (I say "mistreat" because of all things you wouldn't imagine paying at least 150$ for a wrap only to end up dragging it all over the floor on your home)

What's your favorite brand of wraps? How long did it take you to gets yours soft, do you have any additional tips for softening it up?

What I've been waiting for, for nearly 3 years

2011-02-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

As many of my readers already know, I was invited to the board of Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama in May of 2008 at the age of 19. I was very happy and proud to be a part of anything that would raise awareness and promote breastfeeding in a positive light. As time passed, and I progressed in my studies of Childbirth Educator and Breastfeeding Counselor, I was asked to help out with visiting the mothers at home when they encountered problems with breastfeeding. This part is one of the most challenging but also most rewarding part of the job. As everyone knows, we visit mothers at no cost to them, at any hour of any day. Fortunately, most of our visits can be scheduled around our day jobs, but there are the occasional middle of the night phone calls and Sunday morning visits. The work we do is strictly voluntary and we are not compensated in any monetary way. I knew this from the very beginning and to tell you the truth, I derive much more satisfaction from seeing a mother and baby pair finally getting on track with breastfeeding than if I was to be paid for it.

Up until very recently, our President Caroll has decided to step down from her position because of an increasing hectic schedule. So who was chosen as our new President to head and lead the Foundation?

I'm proud and yet very humbled to say that, I was elected as the President of Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama. A prestigious position but daunting all at once because we have no easy task. We have many events coming up this year and next and there's a lot of work to accomplish. Wish me success

Why Ellevill's models make me want to buy their wraps

2011-01-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

Ever since seeing the Ellevill wrap giveaway on Marvelous Kiddo, I have been practically obsessed with this brand I'd never heard of. As many of my friends and readers already know, I am obsessed with baby carries, in particular, wraps.

As I perused through Ellevill's website, not only did the plethora of colors and the sensations of textures jump out at me, what I especially noticed were the models and their chosen surroundings. Unlike the wrap/sling modeling mannequin, Ellevill's models are beautifully made up, and most wear heels and exceptionally trendy outfits. Their fantasy filled scenarios simply complement their luscious looking wraps and make you want to snatch them up even quicker. Their photo shoot scenes have inspired me to jazz up my carrier shoots as well. Take a look at some of my favorite shots.

I like how the models and the scenes are very unusual and the fashion is pronounced. It just makes their wraps bolder and makes the colors pop

The only critique that came up in my mind as I browsed their selection was the fact that there was no ethnic diversity in their moms & babies. There were also zero nursing pictures. Besides these points, I found no qualms with Ellevill.

Now... which one do I choose?!?!

The post I don't want to write and that no one wants to read, hear or talk about

2011-01-17T10:52:00.000-08:00

It's happened again.

Before you think I'm pregnant, pause a second and read.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Hello. My name is Wendy. I am a 22-year-old divorced mother of one. Sheesh

I have become a single parent for the second time around. There, I said it. There are things in my life that I do keep private, such as the reason for me divorcing my husband of just 1,5 years (who is not the father of my child.) What I rather discuss are the implications it will have for me and my daughter. As many of my readers already know, I have already been a single parent at the beginning of my daughter's life, and although those were some tough times, it taught me to be proud of being a strong woman not co-dependent of a male for happiness.

I was a young barely teen mom (19 years to be exact). I birthed my daughter vaginally and breastfed her for over a year while working full-time. Although having a child at a very young age isn't a good choice, it doesn't mean that the outcome must be negative. I pride myself on turning my life around and making a success out of a bad situation.

Then, the cherry on the cake was when despite all odds, I married a wonderful man. Well, things obviously didn't turn out so wonderful after all and once again I find myself in the single-parent boat ( me and Single Dad Laughing should start a forum X_X )

I don't doubt my capability and ability to raise my daughter on my own. I know it's not the easiest task on earth, but I do know for a certainty that it is the most rewarding. I can only hope things work out in the future. No matter what reason there is for a divorce, whether it is necessary or not, they will remain painful. I'm grateful for the support and understanding I got from my family ( from parents married only once and for nearly 30 years!) and for those who dropped me like a dirty sock because of not knowing the details behind the divorce and assuming the worst, I say, so be it ( what did Eminem say to Debbie in his track'Without me' ? )

I'm a young, energetic 22-year-old with a lot on her plate, I wonder what's next for me, maybe retirement at 35, and menopause at 40?

For those who found the comical picture inappropriate, I have just one thing to say. I ran out of tissue to wipe my nose in, so I have just one option left - laugh

Long-term Babywearing

2011-01-15T11:13:00.000-08:00

Are you a Babywearer? How Long have you been carrying your baby/child?

Babywearing is an art. Once you find the right carrier for you and your little one, it's hard to let go, even when you know your personal journey has reached it's completion until the next little one (for some this means waiting on grand-kids!) comes along.

Some see babywearing as merely a cultural difference, some see it as a step backwards, and some understand the benefits and strive to teach others about it by word and example.

My Facebook friends and Tweeps told me this :

I know by experience that once you start babywearing, and get to know all the carriers there are out there on the market, it can become almost like an obsession, with the carriers that is. I've been wearing my daughter for about 2 years now. Planned on wearing her from birth onward, but bought a crotch-dangling Bjorn, and quickly gave up the idea when she hit 12-15 lbs. I simply could not bear the pain the straps caused me and thought all carriers were alike. Well, they're not. At well over 30 pounds, I still carry my 3-year-old daughter comfortably with a wrap and mei tai, and for short periods, a pouch or ring sling.

Babywearing is slowly but surely gaining speed in Aruba and I'm sure it will explode very soon. More and more mainstream baby stores are selling pouch slings and mei tais, exposing more parents to at least the thought of carrying their child instead of pushing it in a stroller or dragging it in a carseat. My hope is to see more slings than strollers on the street. Many parents carry their children in their arms, why not use a sling then? It's much easier..

In conclusion, no matter what is said or done, no one can or will completely eradicate babywearing. The CPSC can issue as many warnings as they'd like (for the actual dangerous carriers, but it ended up pitting most mainstream parents against all carriers), anti-babywearing/attachment parenting advocates can spread lies about wearing your child, but the fact will always remain, babies were meant to be held close.

Baby Carrier Review : Infantino Wrap & Tie

2011-01-14T11:11:00.000-08:00

I'm starting a series of posts reviewing all the carriers I have in stock and those I'll receive in the future. This is to aid Aruban parents in choosing the right carrier for them, allowing them open access to the negative and positive points of a carrier while simultaneously giving them the opportunity to rent these same carriers out.

Today's review will look at the Infantino Wrap & Tie.

Because of the introduction and subsequent recall of the Infantino Sling Riders, I was very cautious about this brand. Especially since they also mass manufacture The Comfort Rider, Cozy Rider and Easy Rider (all Crotch-Dangling carriers, as my dear friend on Twitter calls them), I was weary about the efficacy, and ease of this mei tai style carrier.

This carrier is named a wrap and tie, but it adheres to the genre of soft structured carriers named Mei Tais. Mei - to carry on the shoulders/ tai - belt; band/bring. Traditionally, the Chinese mei tai was a square or nearly square piece of cloth with parallel unpadded straps emerging from the sides of each corner.

Mei tais can be used from birth ( most manufacturers recommend 8 .lbs) onward, up to 35 lbs. The versatility and relative ease of a Mei Tai is what makes this a carrier that many love. It's more supportive than a one shoulder carrier, but not as difficult to learn to tie as a wrap. It distributes the weight across both shoulders and the waist, which makes for carrying a heavier child, more comfortable.

What I liked/disliked about Infantino's Wrap and Tie

Positive Points

Very good material, soft and very sturdy straps and body.
Little loops in the body to secure straps from moving
Padding not just in the straps but also in the outer edge of the body
Wide enough even for a bigger child's bum to be covered
When I wore my 3-year-old daughter on my back, I didn't feel the straps cutting into any of my jiggly belly (MAJOR PLUS POINT for those of us who hate looking like a sausage)
I could wear my 3-year-old a lot longer than with the Ergo before getting back pain
My daughter says it feels good
Beautiful design overall, and beautiful color coordination, perfect for a boy or girl.
Since the strap material is so thick and sturdy, knots are easy to secure and just as easy to untie. With inferior fabric that's thinner, knots are tied smaller and get smaller as the weight of the baby puts pressure on it, and these are nearly a headache to untie.

Negative Points

Maybe if the waist strap had padding just where touches your stomach, it would have been nicer, without it is just fine
The wrap and tie has a little velcro-detachable-string that allows you to cinch the crotch area so the baby can be worn face-out. I don't know what's up with Infantino and their vehemence that babies MUST face out or else it's not a fit carrier. I personally do not recommend the crotch-dangling, outward-facing carry for many reasons.
Straps were a little wide for my shoulders. I can imagine they would be much wider for a very petite person. The straps stuck out a little on the edge of my shoulder
I'm thinking that for a much bigger circumferenced person than myself (I'm not petite either) maybe the straps would not be long enough for comfort. I like a certain amount of straps to dangle down.

All in all, I am very pleased with the purchase of this carrier and I can feel comfortable to say that CariBirth is officially renting Infantino's Wrap and Tie out to those interested.

For more information on babywearing, or sling rentals feel free to email me at info [AT] caribirth [DOT] com

Book Review : Birth Movement: How To Use the Birth Sling, Squat Bar, Birth Ball, and Positions for Your No-to-low Intervention Hospital Birth

2011-01-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

I am very pleased to announce that I have received my first (E)Book to review and share with you all! A fellow Childbirth International Alumni, Jun-Nicole Matsushita (CLD) has written and published a beautifully illustrated book on making your hospital birth no-to-low-intervention as possible by means of a birth ball, birth sling and squat bar.

Its title is most fitting "Birth Movement: How To Use the Birth Sling, Squat Bar, Birth Ball, and Positions for Your No-to-low Intervention Hospital Birth"

I perused through the Ebook pages and am eager to sit down and read it on my baby, The Kindle.

Expect the review up next week

In Choosing Coke or Juice...

2011-01-10T11:12:00.000-08:00

I can't say I was totally surprised, but last night I was drinking some delicious Tropicana Strawberry Melon Juice and I turned it around to see how much sugar and calories I was pumping into my system when I nearly fell on the floor.

I thought to myself, why on earth am I choosing juice over soda if I'm putting as many calories and as much sugar into my body anyway?

Don't believe me?

See for yourself

Don't believe that just because it's "juice" it's automatically healthy.... Choose your beverages responsibly

What's in your breastfeeding consult bag?

2010-12-30T11:49:00.000-08:00

From day one when I started visiting mothers at home to help them with breastfeeding problems, I always had a bag handy full of supplies. Of course, in the beginning the bag starts off ridiculously full and then as you gain more experience, slowly you discard unnecessary items and keep the worthwhile ones. Here's a look at what I carry around (yes, the bag stays in my car because I'm often called after work to consults)

Hand Sanitizer: I always either use hand sanitizer or ask my mamas permission to wash my hands once I reach their residence before I touch either any babies or breasts.

Gloves are an important item in my bag. Before, I used to handle mothers and babies without gloves but after my mentor had an experience with a mother who had a communicable disease, common sense hit us that for our safety and that of the mother and baby, we should wear gloves.

Most of the cases I see are cracked nipples. Some are worse than others. I always carry around a tube of lansinoh in case the mother needs some to use until her nipples heal. This stuff is a godsend!

Small hair dryer. Here's a tip you learn as go along. Cloths soaked in warm water are often used for engorgement but my little friend here works miracles! Combine it with the following item and your mama can finally get relief of painful melon like engorged breasts. Make sure to stay in tune with the mama so as not to burn her!

A comb. This simple comb, combined with the blow dryer does wonders for a mama needing relief of engorgement. Simply hold the hair dryer at a comfortable distance and setting and comb from the top of the breasts gently to the nipples and repeat going full circle

I call her "old faithful". My pump has been with me through many replaceable parts and mamas. Sometimes the mom wants to learn how to pump, sometimes she needs to take the edge off some pressure in her breasts, or to help erect the nipple in case of flat ones

I also see a lot of nipple confused babies who absolutely refuse to latch. In those cases, after the mom pumps (or if she chooses to use formula) I teach her a handy method we know as cup feeding.

Homemade "Nipplette". This is probably my most prized possessions. Ina May's 2010 book "Ina May's guide to breastfeeding" featured how to make a nipplette by using an oral syringe and cutting off the long part and inserting the stopper the "Wrong side". Fit the nipple into the smooth side and gently tug to erect flat or inverted nipples. Success rate : nearly 100%. Cost: 1 Florin, compared to the 65 (nearly 30$, ouch) Florins Avent's Nipplette costs.

In case the mom pumps, and she wants to store her milk but wasn't anticipating expressing milk to begin with. Pre-sterilized milk storage bags

Breast Shell : Just in case my mamas want to catch their milk from one side while they pump the other. This also helps relieve pressure and draws out nipples subtly

Hand Towel : I get milk on me often. I've had it drip on me, puked on me, and even squirted on me from a distance.

A stretchy newborn wrap : Many times, I don't know what mood to anticipate the mother and baby in. Sometimes the mother is home alone (dad at work, or single mom) or she's frazzled, or the baby has had a rough birth experience. Whatever the cause, I keep my wrap handy in case I need to give the mom a break and the baby some closeness and warmth. This usually gives the mom a chance to regroup and get her bearings together and recount her birth and breastfeeding experience or just to let all her emotions out.

Are there other items you keep in your postnatal visit bag specifically for breastfeeding moms?

From a Breastfeeding Counselor: A lesson on body image

2010-12-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

It is no surprise that many women feel insecure or unhappy with their bodies, especially after giving birth. I know I certainly am one of them. Since giving birth, my belly and breasts haven't quite stayed the same, and I can get pretty down about it sometimes.

Since becoming a breastfeeding counselor and helping out many new mothers with breastfeeding it's only natural that I see a lot of breasts too. Young, old, black , white, latino. You name it, I've seen it. And as I was driving somewhere the other day, something occurred to me as I moped about my breasts. They're actually normal looking. Of all the consults I'd been on, I think I can't even reach a whole hand how many "pretty" and media-portrayed breasts I've seen, much less any of those that didn't have silicone in them. All types of women have breasts that look like mine, and I realized that my situation isn't so bad. We have little if any control over what our breasts look like (we have genes, gravity, age and pregnancy to thank for that.) and to know that men are more accustomed with so-called "floppy" breasts, is a comfort to me and helps me to fit in my skin, why bother to change something that you have no control over?

In a recent Tweet, I admitted that it was only after seeing so many breasts that were not the stereotypical version of perfect, that I came to accept and understand that real breasts are indeed worn, they do drop, but they've done so for a beautiful cause. Our breasts are the way they are because they have nourished, nurtured, and been lived in by our children. They have gone from objects of admiration to vessels of sustenance and back again. Any real man with children will understand these transitions and be fond of them for what they are, what they've done and that they stand in their own right. There's no need to be ashamed

A dear friend of mine, who is a birth professional also acknowledges this truth:

What about you? How has your role as a birth professional affected your own body image?

The Birth of a Father

2010-12-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

This past Friday, my cousin's wife gave birth to their first child, Jack. As heartwarming as that was, what was really precious was to see little Jack tucked under his mom's hospital gown right after birth. He enjoyed skin to skin with his mom and breastfed straight away. Another beautiful photo arrived to me, but this time with Kyle and Jack enjoying some one-on-one skin time. A quick Google search for skin to skin contact with dad doesn't render too many beautiful pictures as it is the fact that mostly mothers are the ones in the photos, so that's why this picture was so special and meaningful to me...

Enjoy

Introducing CariBirth's new line of carriers - Bella Sophia Carriers!

2010-12-06T05:41:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday was the official launching of my business', CariBirth, new line of slings and wraps, name Bella Sophia Carriers. I was filled with excitement as I saw my dream unfold before my eyes. I sat there and watched the seamstress cut each piece of fabric, measure each slings, sew, pleat, sew, turn, sew and then the last threads were gently snipped and gently lifted off. I was giddy like a teenage girl at the sight of the Backstreet Boys.

I decided to have the wrap, ring and pouch sling made at the same time. I am very pleased at the outcome of all three but if I must choose, I can say the ring sling won my heart. The color, the aesthetic pleats, the thick shoulder part (the first one was done without padding, but padding is available too) and its teasing pink salmon color. I especially love it because the material is very sturdy and trustworthy. The shoulder part was triple enforced to ensure use through many kids and with delicious material like the one used for the Silly Salmon ring sling, washing it will only make it softer each time (hand wash please).

A pouch sling was also made and the material of this one is also very strong, yet light enough to be cool on those hot days. While the fabric was more pricey, I decided never to sacrifice good, strong quality material in exchange for more profit on each sling. I know that when I purchase commercially made slings, the first thing I do when I get it in my hands is to stretch, pull and tug on it. You can rest assured that Bella Sophia fabrics go through the same (if not more!) rigorous testing to ensure the right feel and most importantly, a safe sling you'll want to wear your baby/child in all the time.

Lastly, the wrap. Finding fabric for this baby proved to be a task more formidable than for the other carriers. Fabric too thin makes for a nice cool wrap, but simply cannot stand up to the wear and tug of putting a baby/toddler in it, tying, untying, wiggling, stretching and so forth. A thicker more dense fabric makes for a secure carrier that'll last you a couple of kids but means being warmer in an already hot climate. There I was, like a mad woman feeling, rubbing, tugging and inspecting for the right cloth for my wraps. I finally found one, right in between of the two. My next mission is to find a strong flannel material for stretchy newborn wraps so luxurious you'll want to wear your baby just to feel it on your skin! I've only purchased and used some of the best (and expensive, ouch!) brand wraps on the market that I've used with my own toddler and other young babies. This translates into Bella Sophia Wraps being tested and made with you and your baby in mind

I'm not a seamstress (that's why I hired one!) nor do I profess to know an extreme amount about sewing, but what I do have is experience with and knowledge about is what a good and trustworthy carrier feels and looks like. I could never produce and sell a sling I wasn't comfortable putting my own newborn in. This is the guarantee Bella Sophia Carriers makes to you, because it's from a "mother to mother with love..."

Enjoy

For orders or questions on wraps and slings, give Wendy Maduro a call at 593-4444 or send an email to info@caribirth.com

How Babywearing got its start on Aruba

2010-12-03T12:09:00.000-08:00

The photo above was taken June 25th 2009. It was the re-launch of our breastfeeding support groups and it was a night I won't soon forget. Not only was the re-start of our support groups very exciting for Pro Lechi Mama, but I was especially stoked because it was the first time I started teaching moms about the art of babywearing.

Bringing babywearing back
Babywearing is not a new concept anywhere, and that includes Aruba. There have been many individual advocates in the past who've raised awareness about babywearing. These include Tamara Loefstok from Mommies & Bellies, and Shanti Gould from Prana. These themselves were babywearing mamas, and have in the past organized events having to do with babywearing and have advocated the practice. Tamara, a babywearing mama of two and maternity store owner, recounts to me the Sling Fashion Show she had organized at an Expo some years behind. Then, for some years, babywearing had slipped into the background until the early part of 2009.

In the beginning months of 2009, after seeing so many beautiful slings in Fitpregnancy, I decided to purchase some and hopefully sell them if I found any mother who'd be interested. Little did I know! I ordered a black ring sling from Maya Wrap, and a green paisley pouch sling from Slinglings. Because of the negative experience I had with the cumbersome and oh-so expensive Baby Bjorn, I had dismissed babywearing....that is... until I slipped Dahlia into one of my new slings! I fell in love! I carried her all over with me, in town, in the house, at the supermarket. People would stop and stare and many times tell me how beautiful the carrier was and how handy it was too! As the days passed, I engrossed myself in learning everything I could about babywearing. I carefully studied the manual that came with each of my slings, and I searched all over the internet for info on safety, positioning and more. Moms fell in love with my slings, and I fell into my role as a Babywearing Educator. For a certainty, I am the first to officially have classes and consults on babywearing, and as babywearing grows, I know I won't be the last!

Babywearing gets a jump start
As the months passed by, and I continued showing moms how to use the slings at the breastfeeding support groups, an old friend returned to Aruba. She was pregnant and had some very good sewing skills. Of course she saw my slings, and when she told me she was going to sew her own instead of buying commercially made one, a light bulb went off in my head. Some weeks passed and as she neared her due date, I approached her with an idea. "What if you make the slings, and I refer people to you when they want to buy one?". It was an amicably accepted idea by both of us, and she did it. I was one of her biggest supporters and first customers. Finally! "Babywearing is going somewhere!" I thought. I'd purchase many slings from her and contributed a lot of fabric to her new sling making business and I was glad to do it for the sake of babywearing. As the months rolled by, she got more and more customers. She soon added the making of mei tais to her repertoire.
I could rely on her because she was not only an experienced seamstress, she also was a babywearer. Who knows best what works and what doesn't, what's comfy in a sling and what isn't than a combo of those two!
For many months we collaborated together.

Taking a different turn
I began offering more formal classes in the form of powerpoint presentations in which the parents also got a chance to test out the many type slings I had accumulated. A dear friend of mine, Noortje van Pelt, and I started out with this concept, but later decided that I would continue alone until her children were older and she could dedicate more time to it. I'll never forget the valuable tips, tricks and knowledge she imparted to me and I am grateful to her for introducing me to the oh so wonderful wrap! At the same time, Shanti Gould a certified yoga instructor, whom I'd met in December of 2009, invited me to give quarterly workshops on breastfeeding and babywearing at Prana, Aruba's leading yoga center. What better than giving classes on the two things I loved most! I felt extremely privileged by this invitation and remain grateful to Shanti for combining forces and putting babywearing to the fore.

After over a year of teaching, buying slings, speaking to moms, speaking to nurses, speaking to doctors about babywearing, I also started renting my slings out. I bought each type of carrier so that moms who weren't ready or financially able to commit to an unfamiliar carrier, could try it out in the comfort of their own home for 1,2 or 3 weeks at a time. This has also proven to be a very successful endeavor that is still growing! I've rented out my carriers to former breastfeeding clients, friends, even adopting parents. I've recently completed a photoshoot for CariBirth's step-by-step picture guide using local moms and close friends.

What the future holds
Because I come in contact with so many (expectant) parents, I get asked nearly all the time if I make and sell the slings myself. Due to time constraints and other obligations (like working a full time job, being a business owner on the side, mother and wife) I was unable to produce and sell the slings myself. Recently, however, my priorities have shifted and I decided that my business would start not only making slings, but also eventually start importing them as a wholesaler. This was decided with no ill intention but to give the parents a wider variety of choices and to further babywearing even more! I'm proud to announce that I have 3 orders in already for custom made Bella Sophia Carriers! I work closely with another seamstress and parents have the luxury of not only purchasing slings but also receiving a free complete consultation and step-by-step picture guide with each purchase. Moms (and dads too!) can leave with their purchase feeling fully confident in themselves and their ability to practice safe babywearing. This is just the beginning for my small business CariBirth. I see big, bright opportunities that lay ahead.

I'd also like to finish off by taking the opportunity to thank those who have and still believe and support CariBirth and babywearing. Minouche Lopez, my eternal mentor and one of my biggest supporters, Noortje Van Pelt, my original partner in crime and experienced babywearing friend. Andrea Justina my eternal breastfeeding and babywearing model who doesn't miss an opportunity to spread some babywearing love around, Jury & Joanna, two childhood friends of mine who've blossomed into beautiful babywearing mamas themselves. Angie Geerman, another knowledgeable babywearer and close friend, Shanti Gould, for believing in me and helping me get out there, and last but not least, Dahlia, the baby (now 3-year-old who still loves a sling ride!) who started my love affair with carriers.

Do you have any questions about babywearing? If so, feel free to contact Wendy Maduro at 297-593-4444 or send an email with your babywearing photos to info@caribirth.com

A mother's love

2010-11-28T17:36:00.000-08:00

During a photoshoot for my business' babywearing picture guide, our photographer snapped this photo in between shots and I fell in love with it...

Our models Jury & Jurian

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-11-21T14:17:00.000-08:00

You know what I especially love about this Breastfeeding Beauty? Is that she sat and nursed her 4th child ( and 4th breastfed babe) in front of her friend, friend's 10-year-old daughter, her own daughter, two young sons and their friend. She did it with the most ease and nonchalance. I couldn't help but think what good she was doing for everyone around her, exposing these little ones to the natural progression of a pregnancy - lactation. Enjoy

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-11-20T17:21:00.000-08:00

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their hard work. For if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up"

Ecclesiastes 4:9

Andrea Justina & Jennifer Marie Roca &Eva & Bella

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-11-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

One of my first babywearing clients, Jennifer Marie Roca is our latest breastfeeding beauty. As nursing student and more avid learner who's always ready to dispel any breastfeeding myth, she gives us a beautiful example of how the love of a child and the success of breastfeeding despite ups and downs molds us and makes us stronger women, stronger mothers. Here she is nursing little Isabella

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-11-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

A breath taking photo from a dear dear nursing mother/friend of mine comes from Andrea Justina. A young wife and mother of one who constantly inspires me with her support of natural parenting and full-term breastfeeding. Here she is nursing her adorable, cookie-monster loving daughter, Eva (now nearly 24 months old)

So you bought a sling, now what?

2010-11-17T14:46:00.001-08:00

You've finally gotten the sling you chose and you're eager to give it a go! But when you get the sling in your hands, you realize quickly "I don't know how to use it!" So what do you do then? Did you know that Aruba is home to a business named CariBirth who's owner is a babywearing educator? Someone specialized in giving classes and teaching women to practice the art of safe babywearing? Did you know that she visits you in the comfort of your home at the hour that's convenient for you, the day you desire and spends her time until you feel comfortable in using your new carrier. She's also the only person on Aruba that owns such a vast variety of carriers on the market and let's you pick and choose which one you'd like to rent before you commit to buying an unfamiliar carrier. She has both in depth knowledge and personal experience in babywearing and still wears her 3-year-old daughter. She has given lectures, classes and has been the first woman to officially start up and provide a place where women can learn more about and become confident and skilled babywearers. Why not give CariBirth's Wendy Maduro a call at 593-4444 or email at info@caribirth.com, and make your appointment for your own personal at home babywearing consult. Stop worrying and start babywearing!

The Breast – Functionally Practical or Sexual?

2010-11-13T15:51:00.001-08:00

An attractive young woman poses in a barely-there bikini for a beer ad. Plastered up high on a huge billboard, men gawk at this image, teenage girls idolize the model's shapely hips and rounded, full breasts, and little girls want to be just like her when they grow up.

In a park a mother sits with her baby on her lap. The baby turns his head from side to side as if he was looking for something. His mother picks up his rooting cues and lifts her shirt to offer him the breast. A family with a young child passes by and the mother immediately steers the young child's attention away from the nursing mother.

What's wrong with the two above mentioned scenarios?

It's how we view an important aspect of women nowadays. What's that you ask? The female breast. How we view this secondary sex organ influences an important aspect of the procreative cycle, namely, breastfeeding. I'm not just speaking about how women view their breasts and breasts of other women, but also the opinion a man holds. Why is everyone's opinion on the matter important? Because at one point or another, all of us, each one of us, will come in contact with a pregnant and/or lactating woman at some point in our life. Whether she is our friend, mother, sister, aunt, cousin, or the stranger sitting next to us, our opinion can influence her decision and desire to sustain breastfeeding. When you add up enough opinions and viewpoints of enough people, you get a general mental attitude and cultural view of a given topic. If enough people see a woman's breasts as something merely sexual that is to be kept in that context, you get a society that views breastfeeding or at least nursing in public, as something taboo. Besides having non-western cultures laugh and ridicule us for being nonsensical for thinking that of a breastfeeding mother, we also have to contemplate the short- and long term effects and consequences of this negative view. A lactating woman who feels embarrassed or even ashamed to nurse outside of the privacy of her own home is more likely to give up on breastfeeding altogether. As a matter of fact, this well contributes to Aruba's dismal breastfeeding rates at 6 + months. A mother cannot be expected to sit at home until the child decides to wean off the breast. This is not just in any context. Some will argue "Bah! Just let her bring along a bottle of formula or expressed milk when she has to go out, that's plain and simple!". I'll answer with an emphatic "NO!" One of the benefits of breastfeeding is not having to worry about having to prepare and walk around with bottles and such paraphernalia. It's the ease and simplicity of lifting your shirt and having the substance ready when the baby is, at the temperature the baby likes and in two attractive containers that draws many women to breastfeeding. Are we then going to burden this mother by indirectly and subtly making her feel she is not welcome to nurse her child in public? Is this even our right to have any say over this?

In a meeting with UNICEF'S Regional Director for the Caribbean, Nils Kastberg, revealed to us that by the time a girl is 14, she has already subconsciously made up her mind in what form she will feed her child – be it by bottle or breast. What does this indicate to us? Children both male and female, need to be, for lack of a better word, exposed to breastfeeding at the youngest age possible. Not just by being breastfed, but by being allowed and given the opportunity to witness this act of sheer nurture, love and warmth. Why do we say that both boys and girls need to see this? Because even though it's the girl that will grow up and actually breastfeed, the boy will grow up and eventually become someone's partner and someone's father. There is probably no greater influence on breastfeeding than that of the partner. A study revealed that when a woman's partner was fully supportive of her decision to breastfeed, 98.1% of women actually did. On the contrary, when a woman's partner was indifferent about the matter, only 26% went on to breastfeed. A man's opinion of his wife's breasts is far-reaching and is important.

Of course, just because a woman has the ineluctable ability to lactate, does not render her breasts as sole property of the child during his nursing years. Why can't we reach a consensus? Breasts are multi-functional. It's certainly something worth considering

Eats on Feets - Online Milk sharing page gets a head start

2010-11-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

Source: The Amigoe
Edition: November 12th 2010
Author: Mirte De Rozario

Oranjestad - A mother in urgent need of breast milk because she accidentally spills her 7 ounce (200 ml) supply of expressed milk, was helped to fill that need in 13 minutes via the online milk sharing page "Eats on Feets." Because of the quick response, the mother did not have to supplement with formula. Wendy Maduro leads the chapter in Aruba that was started just this week on Facebook.

And yet, Eats on Feets is not just an Aruban network. Maduro, who is a board member of Pro Lechi Mama (Aruba's non-profit breastfeeding organization) requested to lead Aruba's chapter in response to a Global movement that strives to match human milk requests to donations of such.

This worldwide initiative, Eats on Feets Global, was started up by Canadian Emma Kwasnica. This breastfeeding advocate was spurred on to action after it became known that a new line of artificial baby milk was to come on the market. In opposition of this developing story, Kwasnica decided to create an online page on Facebook where moms could make informed choices about milk sharing between each other. The name :Eats on Feets" came from an American midwife who'd thought up the name. In the blink of an eye, Eats on Feets exploded in other lands. There are about 87 local chapters in 18+ countries.

Supply and Demand
Aruba's own local chapter on Facebook got its start this week. "The idea is simple", says Maduro, "You can compare it to Aruba Match, but then specifically for mothers who breastfeed. Mothers who breastfeed usually pump and thus build up a stash in their freezer, especially when they have a copious production. Those who've accumulated a reserve may decide to share this with another mother who may be in need for human milk but may not have access to it. Before, a mother may have had to supplement with formula, but with Eats on Feets, that's not necessary anymore."
Wednesday past, was the success of Eats on Feets clearly visible. Maduro put out an urgent call on Facebook for 7 ounces of breastmilk for a mom in dire need of it. Within 13 minutes, the need was filled, so revealed a post on Facebook from Maduro.
"I got a response from a mother whom I know, that she was able and willing to donate the amount that was needed." In this instance, PLM picked up the donated breastmilk and brought it to the recipient because of necessity. But in actuality, the parties involved are asked to make arrangements amongst themselves."
Maduro goes on to say that this same urgent call for human milk brought in a flood of responses. Maduro emphasizes though that she personally knew this mother and knew that she was healthy and had good quality milk. "Because otherwise I would not have facilitated the milk donation. As a mother who uses milk from another mother, you want to be careful and avoid the potential risk of giving your baby milk from a mother who may have a communicable disease."
She also mentioned and example of another donating mother.* "I was approached by an American tourist who was familiar with Eats on Feets and was who a regular donor of mother's milk. She was vacationing on Aruba and couldn't bring her expressed breast milk back to the States with her, and she asked me to find a baby on Aruba who was in need of human milk. That is exactly what Eats on Feets has as its mission. Mothers who milk share who can establish contact and fill the need either of a donation or request here on Facebook."

Safety
Chapter leader of Aruba's Eats on Feets page highlights that this initiative is free, that has as its only goal to provide a means, a space, where moms can meet each other. Where the health status of the donating mother is concerned, each recipient and donator is responsible for this individually. "On every Eats on Feets page, whichever land it may be, there is access to references and additional information for all interested about the risks and personal responsibility that each mother takes upon herself when she shares milk. I encourage all who are interested in this movement, whether you are a donor or a recipient, to inform yourself and know your source." Maduro goes on to explain what she advises mothers who are searching for a donation of maternal milk to do. "If when you put in a request and you get a match for a donor that you're personally familiar with, then usually there's no problem and you can choose to accept the milk without much ado. But if a recipient is not familiar with the donating mother, then, the mother at the receiving end may choose to ask that the mother at the donating end have the appropriate blood tests done to verify that she is in good health and that her milk is safe."

Privacy
Facebook is a social networking site that allows an individual to choose how much personal information he puts out there. To maintain the relative privacy of Eats on Feets, each chapter understand and acknowledges that all those interested in donating/receiving is encouraged to post on their local page but that further arrangements be made between themselves. For more information on the guidelines of the page, visit your local chapter's page, Eats on Feets ~ Aruba. Since the opening of the chapter the beginning of this week, there has been about 40 'likes' so far.

Footnote: The milk donation facilitated earlier this year by Pro Lechi Mama's Wendy Maduro was not established through "Eats on Feets Global". This donation came about by Aruban Breastfeeding Mamas' Facebook page , where Wendy was subsequently contacted by the donating mother before her trip to Aruba. Footnote my own

Eats on Feets ~ Aruba!

2010-11-11T14:56:00.000-08:00

If you don't live, eat and breathe Facebook, or have been living under a rock then you probably have not heard of EOF Global, or "Eats on Feets". This amazing, far-reaching movement started with just one thought, taken over by an amazing woman and just exploded in what will probably be one of the biggest movements in milk-sharing in history since the wet nurse.

Where did the name "Eats on Feets" come from?

~ A WORD FROM SHELL ~(The original Eats On Feets Creator)
"I started this page (the original EOF page) after receiving a phone call from a mom who was desperate to find breast-milk for her newborn. I posted her needs on Facebook and the response was immediate and fantastic. I thought it would be awesome if there were a page dedicated to milk sharing and tribe nursing.

So, this is a networking page for moms to share and receive milk when needed. I am not responsible for milk sharing results or content shared by other posters.

And a note of caution; KNOW THY SOURCE. While it is true that tribe feeding offers MANY benefits, there is ALWAYS the risk of disease/contamination.

I support many causes and movements but in the spirit of keeping the site as focused as possible status updates are specific to milk sharing."
With Shell's approval, Eats On Feets GLOBAL was initiated by Shell's good friend Emma Kwasnica. It's hub is on the FB page INFORMED CHOICE : BIRTH AND BEYOND. Safe mother to mother milk sharing is part of INFORMED CHOICE for today's childbearing/-rearing women!

I'd seen the EOF (Eats on Feets) movement bubbling days before November 7th 2010 (the day EOF went Live) and I didn't quite get it, that is... before I logged on to my Facebook and was blown away by this massive happening. I immediately jumped on the bandwagon and contacted Emma letting her know I wanted to open up a chapter in Aruba. She was thrilled to add the first part of the Caribbean to EOF Global's list of Worldwide chapters! I can only hope my sister islands also follow suit.

Are you an Aruban breastfeeding mama with a desire to donate your milk to another baby in need? Visit our FB fan page- Eats on Feets ~ Aruba - to look for a recipient now! Or perhaps you are a mom in need of breast milk for your baby, put your request on the wall and find a donor near you!

I leave you now with a tidbit about EOF on Youtube

">Eats on Feets on Youtube

Have more questions about Eats on Feets? Visit our FAQ page and find out!

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-11-10T17:33:00.000-08:00

A friend from long ago, blossoms into a beautiful breastfeeding mother. In fact, she can be deemed a true "Breastfeeding Beauty". That is, my friend, Jury Lanoy. Here she is nursing her adorable and ardent nursling, Jurian

Enjoy <3

The modern day wet-nurse

2010-11-10T17:23:00.000-08:00

Wet nurse. A term familiar to nearly everyone. Although women are not employed full time as wet nurses any longer, the practice is far from dead. More commonly now, women share their milk when an opportunity arises of a baby or mother in need of milk.

Tonight, such a situation presented when a close friend and breastfeeding mama sent me a message telling me that her 7 ounce stash of milk for tomorrow was spilled. She said that she'd try her best to pump as much as she could tonight to be able to have enough for tomorrow, or else her baby would have to get formula in her absence while she'd be at work. I immediately exclaimed "Nooooooooooooo!" and that I would search for a donor immediately, for the lost 7 ounces of precious liquid gold we call breast milk.

I immediately posted on my Facebook, and on our "Breastfeeding Mamas" Blackberry group that I had a mama in search for milk ASAP. I then remembered a client that lived close by that I knew had a good supply and stash in the freezer. I gave her a call and she immediately went to check how much she could give. To my surprise and sheer euphoria, she could fill the whole 7 ounces! Then, simultaneously, another mom on the Blackberry group responded and said she could give 4. We were all overjoyed!

I grabbed a small cooler, filled it with ice and off I went to pick up and drop off the milk. In the mean time, I got a message on Facebook from yet another mom who had donated in the past who was saying she had 10 frozen ounces that were reaching their expiration date. Talk about moving mountains for some milk! Within half an hour, 3 moms were willing to donate a total of 21 ounces of their precious maternal milk to help this mom out! I couldn't have been prouder of all of them.

So the modern day nursing mother can become a modern day wet-nurse even if for just one time, in the blink of an eye

Breastfeeding is truly a self-sacrificing act that not only benefits your baby, but could also benefit another baby out there at some point or another. Sharing milk = Sharing love

Blackberry Breastfeeding Support Groups

2010-11-06T16:53:00.000-07:00

The Blackberry has been called many things ranging from "pure bliss" to the ever infamous "Crackberry". Recently though, a new trend has emerged that has brought the two loves of many women together, the Blackberry chat group and breastfeeding. Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama Aruba has started their own "Breastfeeding Mamas" BB group. Spurred on by the success of their monthly breastfeeding support groups or "moedergroepen" they decided to bring peer counseling and encouragement to a whole new plateau.

Moms in the group had this to say about this new concept:

"It's very good. You get to hear about what others go through and you don't feel so alone."

"Yes! Brilliant idea. I like the way we support one another and like A said, you don't feel alone plus you learn a lot from others."

"Especially with certain people around you, in my case that is, they see breastfeeding as something s strange. They're amazed when they hear that I'm still breastfeeding as if I should've stopped a long time ago. Thus, this group is good support!"

"I find it the best! Especially when you're in doubt and you don't know what else to do, you all are ready to help each other, it's something very great! "

Moms in this group enjoy forming new friendships with other local breastfeeding moms and also enjoy having their doubts or fears relieaved by the experience of the moms combined with the expertise and knowledge of the board members of Pro Lechi Mama. Are you pregnant and interested in learning more about breastfeeding? Are you a breastfeeding mom who wants to forms new friendships with other like minded moms? Then add 216BCAE8 and specify that you'd like to be added to the "Breastfeeding Mamas" group! If you're already in the group, why not add your friends?

Note: Group is open to any and all seeking support and information with regards to breastfeeding. All group members are expected to behave in a kind, respectful manner even when opinions differ. Wrong information is subject to correction. Group membership is free and all are welcome!

World Breastfeeding Week September 27th - October 3rd 2010

2010-09-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

It's here! It's here! It's finally here!

World Breastfeeding Week! Aruba, along with Holland and other countries traditionally celebrate World Breastfeeding Week in the 40th week of the year. The 40th week was chosen to symbolize a pregnancy. Aruba was pretty quiet during the rest of the world's WBW, August 1-7 2010. But this time around, we're gonna be out and about!

One of the awesome stuff we have planned is our 2nd annual Quintessence Global breastfeeding challenge! Usually the challenge takes place at 11 am, but due to the hot weather, we've moved it to 5 pm. This year we've chosen a much more family friendly location with exciting things going on throughout the event. The event itself is from 4-6 pm at Wilhelmina Park. Families who attend are warmly encouraged to bring older children if they have any. We'll have a 'poppen kast', story telling,and a Sling Fashion Show in celebration of International Babywearing Week. There will be lots of prizes for the moms who take part in the challenge.

We're extremely excited to bring breastfeeding into the spotlight, where it belongs. The more we speak, the more we fight, the quicker we can raise breastfeeding to its original pedestal, as something normal.

Do you have any events going on during WBW? What about the breastfeeding challenge?

Have you considered renting a sling first?

2010-09-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

My modest business, CariBirth, is the only business offering sling rentals. There are so many carriers out there (some really expensive ones too) that it often times overwhelms new parents. Some don't have the time and/or funds to go around and purchase carrier after carrier seeing which fits them best. For this reason, I decided to amass and rent my baby carriers. Recently, the rental has picked up, and the parents are surprised to hear they can actually try out the carrier of their choice for 1,2, and even 3 weeks in their home and out and about. It allows them time and opportunity to test out a given carrier in their day-to-day life without having to commit.

Of course, being the opportunist that I am, I take advantage of my clients allowing me to take pictures of them with the baby in the carrier. Today, a dad let me take many photos of him with the baby, and I relished in it because sometimes the clients are shy!

I now have some pictures of a dad wearing his baby to use in my classes and website.

"Thank you so very much"

2010-09-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

Volunteer work holds a near and dear place to my heart. I believe that humans have the greatest capacity to love and do good for their fellow man through kind and sincere acts motivated by unselfish concern. From a young age I made it a point in my life to help others. There's no greater satisfaction than knowing someone else was helped, that you could've made their day a little bit better.

When I was 19 I gave birth to a daughter. Her birth would open the doors to a world I've never known of before. I breastfed my daughter for a bit over a year and fell in love with my new life as a mother. When my daughter was 4 months old, I decided to further my education and become a certified childbirth educator. This brought me in line to receive an invitation to be on the board of Aruba's only non-profit breastfeeding organization, namely, Pro Lechi Mama. After about a year, and much more education later, I started going on breastfeeding consults. This organization runs solely on volunteers, not even being reimbursed for the long hours they put in. So why do we do it? Well, one of the reasons is because if we don't, who will? Who will attend to these mothers that call 1 o'clock in the morning (it has happened before) desperate for someone to quell their fears and allay their anxieties? We will.

We also do it because we have been there. All of us at one point has been the anxious mother, with cracked bleeding nipples, begging for help to continue breastfeeding. We know what it means, and we yearn to help other mothers and families succeed. This love is what drives us to leave our jobs at 6 in the evening and come over by you until 11 o'clock at night until the baby overcomes his nipple preference and latches on. This same love is what makes us fight for your rights to nurse in public, to combine breastfeeding and work, to not fall victim to this bottle-ridden society.

I gain much satisfaction from helping my mamas and babies. This comes at great cost, but is worth my while. You know when I have to fight back tears? When my mamas look at me with a glimmer in their eyes and thank me.

Today, on a breastfeeding, turned babywearing consult, turned sling rental, the mom and dad handed me a card. I opened it and nearly broke out in tears. They thanked me for the love and help I gave them with babywearing and breastfeeding and that if there was anything they could help me with to promote these two things, just call them. These tokens of affection are what pumps more energy into us. We ARE making a difference! People DO appreciate our work!

I may have drastically altered my life when I became a young mother, but I can't help but be grateful to rectify the situation and that it has helped me put my own problems aside and just help someone else.

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-09-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

A photo that is dear to my heart is one of a local mother. Aruban mothers tend to be of a shy nature and don't really take pictures of themselves breastfeeding their children. I find this a shame because Aruba enjoys a vast range of ethnic diversity in its inhabitants. An Aruban can range from white as milk, to black as ebony, with mixtures of latino, asian and anything in between.

This photo was taken by an extremely talented young photographer named Annabelle Quandus. With love for Pro Lechi Mama and breastfeeding, she has taken photos of breastfeeding mothers and dedicated a whole wall of her art to the cause.

Ergo Sport Baby Carrier

2010-09-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

It's here! It's here! It's finally here!

After months of yearning for an Ergo Baby carrier, I finally ordered it (with much pain) and got it today after a suspenseful three weeks. I barely got home, when I grabbed my nearly 3-year-old daughter and put her on my back.

IT IS HEAVEN! The thick plush padded straps, the very flattering waist belt ( good for those of us with a pouch ) and the sleeping hood all make this (expensive) carrier worth every penny.

Do you have an Ergo? What do you love about it?

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-09-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

This week's picture for our "Breastfeeding Beauties" series comes from a dear friend of mine, Noortje. I took this picture while at her house conversing with me one day. I never used it and was very happy to "re-encounter" the photo. Here is Noortje nursing her curly blonde haired Zoe

Aruba's First annual International Babywearing Week

2010-09-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

In the confusion and rush of planning the 2nd annual Quintessence breastfeeding challenge, I decided I was nuts enough to take on planning an event during the challenge to celebrate babywearing week. Because this is pure madness on my behalf ( toddler, full time job, side-job, planning the breastfeeding challenge) I decided to keep it small this year.

I would like to take this opportunity then to invite all Aruban mothers, and even fathers, to participate in this "Sling fashion show" where we show case different style carriers, with different age babies/children. I know some wonderful babywearing moms who I'd love to recruit, but I'm also riding on anyone else who is interested!

You can give me a call at 593-4444 or email at wendymaduro@hotmail.com

This is gonna be fun!

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-09-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

Victoria is another wonderful nursing mother I met on Facebook. I couldn't stop staring at her profile picture one day and asked her permission to use it on my blog and in my classes. This is a one-of-those pictures that you keep remembering.

Inexpensive props for breastfeeding classes

2010-09-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

The use of visual aids in any class is essential to drive your point home. For visual learners, props help them remember the principles of your theme and may cement a connection between your topic and the object in question, for the rest of their lives potentially.

I personally love using props because it engages everybody in the class instead of them being mere passive listeners. For my breastfeeding classes I use a few inexpensive but essential props. They are;

Medicine measuring cups
Newborn Diapers
Golf balls/ hazelnuts
A pitcher of formula

Medicine Measuring Cups:

I start off by explaining them about colostrum and the ubiquitous fear of it never being enough to satisfy a newborn. I give them each a plastic cup of water and ask them to fill it with 15 ml of the water. I ask them to hold it up, take a good look at it. I then go on to explain that the newborn stomach has a capacity to hold only 7-14 ml of liquid at a given feeding. They usually gasp and give me the 'deer-in-headlights' look.

Newborn Diapers:

I then ask them to fill up the diaper with 3 tablespoons of the remaining water which is about 45 ml. I tell them that this what a wet diaper should feel like. I also ask them how many wet diapers a baby should have on the first, second, third and fourth day of life.

Golf balls/ Hazelnuts:

Each couple gest a golf ball. I tell them to pick it up and look at it (the same goes for the hazelnut, but hazelnuts aren't easy to find in Aruba unless it's Christmas time). I tell them that on day 10, their baby's stomach is approximately the size of a golf ball. It was the size of a hazelnut at birth. They also gasp and many times I hear them murmur that the amount the hospital packs the baby in with is actually stretching its poor stomach. It's a true "AHA!" moment for all in the class.

A Pitcher of formula:

By far my most favorite part of the class is when I get to dish out formula for the expectant parents to drink. Each couple gets a cup with about 2 ounces and unless medically unable, all are urged to taste a substance that they are considering feeding their infants. This is also the time my husband gets the camera ready to take pictures of them gagging. I try to hold back my laughter but we all end up killing ourselves with the laugh at how bad formula really tastes. It's not just that it's bland and extremely sugary, but it actually tastes bad. I must give credit to the woman from whom I learned this. ICAN President, doula, CBE and friend Desiree Andrews told me once how she gives her couples formula to drink during childbirth education classes and that this usually impresses upon them to breastfeed and discourages unnecessary formula use. I must admit, it works with success.

You don't always need expensive charts and materials to get yours clients thinking. Sometimes all it takes is a little creativity and imagination

Which props or visual aids do you use during your breastfeeding class?

Breastfeeding Beauties

2010-09-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

I always ask my Facebook friends to send in pictures of them nursing to include in my classes and blog. I finally decided to start a series called "Breastfeeding Beauties" which will showcase these beautiful and unique photos I receive from these unique women.

To kick off the series is a picture of a wonderful and awe-inspiring woman I met on Facebook. She has 6 children and has breastfed all of them. She is currently breastfeeding her 15-month-old Tierneigh. Did I mention that this ridiculously gorgeous momma makes ridiculously gorgeous kids?!

Send in your breastfeeding photos to wendymaduro@hotmail.com with a short text for the picture and have it showcased in "Breastfeeding Beauties".

ABM's upcoming blogiversary!

2010-09-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

Aruban Breastfeeding Mamas is celebrating her first blogiversary in a few days! To celebrate, I want to invite regular, sporadic and one times readers to comment on how they found the blog, which post they liked the most and what they would tell others about Aruban Breastfeeding Mamas.

Public breastfeeding and topless sunbathing - A sexist double standard

2010-09-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Fundacion Pro Lechi Mama Aruba is organizing Aruba's second annual Quintessence Global breastfeeding challenge to be held October 2nd . The Challenge focuses primarily on normalizing breastfeeding by, for lack of a better word, exposing more and more people to this simple and natural act. What goes on is simple. Breastfeeding mothers gather to one pre-arranged place, and at the stipulated time, latch their babies on and raise their hands to be counted in. It's a time of fun, learning, and family. Last year we boasted 24 mothers and 26 babies in attendance, quite a feat for an anti-breastfeeding culture witnessing this event for the first time. People giggled (and so did we a few times) when they heard us announce a breastfeeding challenge. Many times, with smiles on our faces we had to explain that it wasn't an obstacle course that moms had to complete while simultaneously breastfeeding their young. It was pretty cute.

In all the rush of finalizing details and preparations for the event at the end of the month, we had to request a permit to use a public park for the event in question. Our VP of the organization took all the papers to the police station and had an "OH NO you DIDN'T" moment while there.

As she handed in the papers, the policeman in question looked over the details (I'm guessing he just glossed over it instead of really reading it) and specifically asked our VP that all mothers bring along a blanket or cover so that no breasts would be exposed.

Well. She. FLIPPED.

She responded by informing them that the point of the challenge is to encourage breastfeeding at home and in PUBLIC. By the time she was done reprimanding him, he had a change of heart and quickly apologized.

This incident not only irked me, but also made me put things in retrospect. Aruba is (somewhat) known for topless sunbathing at many beaches. Not that it's a topless beach per se, but that it's widely accepted (especially by gawking men) and tolerated. Recalling this spurred me on to search whether Aruba has any specific laws on toplessness. I found the following statement from Francis Jacobs, the PR Coordinator of the Aruba Tourism Authority with reference to topless sunbathing :

"Topless in Aruba is not illegal, there is no law against it"

Although, I couldn't find judicial papers speaking specifically about breastfeeding mothers and their rights, I think this will suffice for now.

But, going back to the point, would that same policeman, when driving his car along eagle beach, have stopped his car, gotten out and told every or any topless woman to cover her breasts? I doubt it. So why did he feel the need to tell us that we make sure the moms use a blanket? Did I also mention that we live in the TROPICS and that it's 98 degrees IN THE SHADE.

Coincidentally, I gave a breastfeeding & babywearing class at Prana this past wednesday and we spoke about this very issue. It's a topic that I feel should be addressed in each class, even if only for a few minutes. I ask open end and reflective questions to provoke my clients to think and really reflect on the views they currently hold about breastfeeding in public. I told them that by nursing in public they are breaking down barriers and are doing away with taboos and will make a difference.

But really, why is it ok to sun bathe topless on a beach around kids and other men, but not feed a baby with those same breasts? Breasts are not primary sex organs but secondary ones. This means that breasts are not responsible for the act of procreation. What does this tell us? First of all, although breasts are rightly viewed as beautiful and as a source of satisfaction between a married couple, their primary purpose is lactation. It's unavoidable. A sudden drop in estrogen caused by the birth of the placenta triggers an ingenious hormonal response which results in lactation. So why do people insist on classifying breasts as a primary sex organ and view it solely as such? Why do most western people reject the notion of a lactating breast? It all boils down to the fact that we're around bottles too much. We don't see the breasts in their original function and thus grow up with this distorted image of the breast, much like a boy growing up watching his mother bring verbally abused by his father and thinking that this is the way women are to be treated.

Let's stop this non-sense people, and put our hang-ups aside. Breasts are for making milk, primarily. Let's keep it this way

Forget a plate, I need a buffet to fit all the things I gotta do on it

2010-09-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

thank you Google Images

You know the feeling you get when you talk to a person, and they keep inundating you with information ( irrelevant, useless and quotidian information at that) and when the conversation is finally done, you feel like your head is spinning as if you just spun 56 times on a chair? Yeah. That's how I felt when I sat down and looked at the upcoming month. It didn't hit me until my mom asked me how my day went. I then proceeded to explain how hectic the upcoming week would be at work (accounting at one of Aruba's biggest wholesalers) because my colleague is going in for surgery and I'll be handling the accounting for not ONE business, but TWO. If that wasn't bad enough, I've been invited to give my quarterly breastfeeding & Babywearing lecture at Prana this coming week, smack dab in the middle of the week.

My mom was overwhelmed just hearing about it. She exclaimed "Wendy! You got a lot on your plate!" to which I answered, "Forget a plate, I need A PLATTER!"

So why am I so gosh darn busy this coming month? What? Didn't you hear that Aruba is celebrating World Breastfeeding Week in the 40th week of the year?? It's gonna be huge

First up, this coming week Pro Lechi Mama has a board meeting to finalize the last details for our 2nd annual International Quintessence Breastfeeding Challenge! I also have to finish translating our project dossier into English this weekend.

Tuesday I have spiritual meetings at the Kingdom Hall. Wednesday is the lecture at Prana. Saturday Pro Lechi Mama along with other health-promoting organizations are part of Aruba's next Ciclovia, which is a few-hour-long sport event consisting of Zumba, Bike rides, mini-walkathons, stands with info and lots of gatorade (from to De Veer & Sons of course). Of course at the Ciclovia each of us from Pro Lechi Mama at our stand takes a break and I always bring my daughter. Last time I went with my roller blades and we had lots of fun. I also wear her and walk around to inadvertently promote babywearing. My husband and I are also planning on going to the Tarrus Riley concert that night.

On Thursday the 16th of September, we have our monthly breastfeeding support groups at Cas di Partera. They're fun, but just as draining. The 22nd, we have a press conference about the upcoming breastfeeding challenge, and all the fun stuff that comes along with it (endless trips to radio stations, tv-stations, many phone calls and the like).

Of course, ridiculous Wendy didn't have enough to do and so she decided to celebrate International Babywearing Week with a BANG, during the breastfeeding challenge. Sigh... Because I am one of the sole promoters of babywearing on Aruba, I'm teaming up with another party to plan this one. I don't know where I'm gonna pull extra time of energy from to do this...

Oh, and did I mention that I'm also in talks of making a commercial?? I have the quote and everything, all I need is the money. I sat down with a producer and laid down my vision, it's all set. I just need to cough up a lot of money. Of course, shooting with babies and small kids takes a lot of patience and foresight, so I'm pretty surprised to see how it's gonna go. This commercial is becoming reality in October, yes, after the breastfeeding challenge.

I also give weekly prenatal bellydance classes, but, after seeing all this going on, I think I may postpone the classes until mid October or else I'm gonna have a stroke.

Do you also plan on being part of this highly anticipated breastfeeding challenge?

Nursing in public : A mom under fire, a village of support

2010-08-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

Nursing in public is a hotly debated topic, that elicits feelings from admiration to downright disgust. I used to think nursing in public was awkward and I used to shift my gaze away very quickly. Then, I had a kid. I didn't care anymore about it. It's something that just becomes natural and normal, the way it should be. I never grew up seeing anyone breastfeed really, so it was something foreign, something weird. "They're breasts!" I thought, "I feel odd looking or seeing another woman's breasts, especially being used that way". But, the thing is, when you have a kid, and you breastfeed (but not necessarily that you have to breastfeed to realize this), you experience for yourself, how breasts are actually supposed to be used and viewed. There's nothing more strong than a mother's feelings of having to feed her young, especially when this means breastfeeding. Once shy and timid women (like me) become these tenacious, fearless beings, caring less about scrutiny and criticism, and more about getting this kid fed.

Today, to my very pleasant surprise, I saw such love and outpouring of support to a nursing mother who was venting on Facebook about what I guess was an issue with her nursing in public. She said ;

Then, a flood of comments showing love and support followed

It was so refreshing to see a man too standing up and defending this mom. What was really cool was to see how many aruban breastfeeding mamas came to encourage her. My heart swelled with joy and pride thinking "Would you look at that! These are my mamas! my local mamas here speaking up!"

All I can say is, GIRLS! You nurse whenever, wherever and however you want. With a cover, without, in a restaurant, in a hall, standing on the street (I've seen that with my own eyes), anywhere! Just not in a restroom

For more reasons on why breastfeeding in public is beneficial to both other women, children and even men see "Why breastfeed in public"

My love is...

2010-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

Gentle parenting

My dear child, my love is never ending,

never failing

All transcending,

It is yours, both day and night,

My hugs and kisses,

Your basic right

If I'm busy or if I'm mad

My love for you is always there

To keep you happy, content and glad

At home, in public and anywhere

The clock, my schedule, does not dictate

the hours I choose to demonstrate

the affection for the fruit of my womb

The endless amount of time I spend gazing at you

From my bedside, in my sling

Stroking, humming and some singing

from dusk till dawn

I have drawn

close to you,

just to watch you yawn

Outragious, audacious people they say

'Put the child down, lest he get spoiled I say!'

I give no ear, and I turn away

Who is it that cares for this baby anyway!

It is me, it is I

My job and my pride

I look in my bed every night, and right there beside me

out like a light

a precious little creature, an infant serene,

asleep near my heart,

nothing more valuable to me

I say to all mothers

Keep that child close

For tomorrow he's big and leaving the house

Aruba Doula - Angie Angela Geerman

2010-08-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

One of Aruba's pioneers in Doula-ing is Angie Angela-Geerman. Mother of three, currently breastfeeding her 1-year-old son, she finds great joy in being an activist for keeping boys intact, breastfeeding, VBAC, and most importantly, supporting moms during labor and childbirth.

Angie and I met last year at Aruba's first annual breastfeeding challenge. She was there to participate with her 3-month-old son Aeden. Like a magnet, we quickly bonded and found common interests that we loved to discuss. I introduced her to babywearing and the friendship was sealed. We continued to talk and share our love for helping mothers with breastfeeding, and Angie was curious to know how a young mother and activist as myself came to find my path so quickly and definitely. I passed on some information about the school I was training with to become a Childbirth Educator, and I encouraged her to look into it.

Weeks later she eagerly shared with my how she signed up to become a Certfied Labor Doula and Breastfeeding Counselor. I was stoked!

She has three kids and takes care of the youngest one full time, but never misses an opportunity to study. She recently attended her first certifying birth, and supported the mom in her unmedicated vaginal birth. It was a complete success! The cherry one the cake was seeing and helping the mom experience the breastfeeding relationship she always dreamed of. I must say that, for the first birth attended as a doula, it couldn't have gotten any better!

Of course even though Angie did experience some difficulty with hospital staff and protocols that prohibited doulas from being present in the labor and delivery room, she gave her all while mom was at home laboring, and was present for the second stage. I sat in excitement as I heard her recount the birth, further whetting my own appetite to get my studies on a roll!

Angie, way to go girl! Kudos to the work you do, and may you help many many more mamas and families to achieve the birth they desire!

Kim Kardashian does it again

2010-08-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Kim, stop talking to those aliens, they give you bad information...

After going through my blogroll, Dou-La-la wrote about how Kim put her foot in her mouth again. Of course, I could not resist adding part 2, to her seemingly ongoing parade on breastfeeding non-sense.

About 2 months ago, her careless insouciance outraged lactivists all over the globe, with her commenting on how gross it was that a mother was nursing her baby in public (GASP!). The topic was so hot that even E! Entertainment spoke about her breastfeeding bombshell.

The fire has since died, (but I'm eager to see if they covered it in the upcoming season), but Kim insists on getting it wrong again. Jeez Kimmy, when are you gonna learn a thing or two from the sister you all keep dragging down??

In a recent interview for Allure Magazine, she said;

She plans to breast feed her kids for at least 6 months: “They say after a year there’s no nutrients.”

Who says, Kimmy? Who?

The lizard people living in the amazon?

Let's take a look at this statement in a factual light now. I happen to believe that we were created in a very good way, in a way that is orderly and logical. Having thus said, how logical would it be for a lactating woman's milk to all of a sudden have no nutritional benefit at the one-year mark. Do our breasts know of the impending 365th day, and start shutting down?

Nope.

Did you know that as long as there is stimulation to the mother's breasts, they continue to produce milk? Why? Why is it only when the baby stops nursing, that her production ceases? Because that's the way it goes. And, imagine that upon completing a year, the milk had no nutritional value. Why would a mother keep on making milk then? If it had no nutritional benefit, then what would it consist of? Koolaid?

Oh yes, that's right. We magically start making koolaid.

La Leche League International has this to say about breastfeeding beyond one year (because I refuse to say extended)

What Research Shows

Research shows that babies may benefit from nursing beyond one year. One benefit is nutrition. Research has shown that second-year milk is very similar to the first-year milk nutritionally (Victora, 1984). Even after two years or more it continues to be a valuable source of protein, fat, calcium, and vitamins (Jelliffe and Jelliffe, 1978).

A second benefit is immunity to disease. The immunities in breast milk have been shown to increase in concentration as the baby gets older and nurses less, so older babies still receive lots of immune factors (Goldman et al, 1983). A study from Bangladesh provides a dramatic demonstration of the effect these immunities can have. In this deprived environment, it was found that weaning children eighteen to thirty-six months old doubled their risk of death (Briend et al, 1988). This effect was attributed mostly to breast milk's immune factors, although nutrition was probably important as well. Of course in developed countries weaning is not a matter or life and death, but continued breastfeeding may mean fewer trips to the doctor's office.

A third health benefit is avoidance of allergies. It is well documented that the later that cow's milk and other common allergens are introduced into the diet of a baby, the less likelihood there is of allergic reactions (Savilahti, 1987).

Psychological Considerations

Any mother who has nursed an older baby knows the tenderness and feelings of closeness generated by nursing a little one who is old enough to talk about it. We don't need medical journals to tell us it's rewarding for mother and baby. But has anything been documented and published on these benefits?

One paper written by a female psychiatrist (Waletzky, 1979) recommends natural weaning. She refers to early forced weanings as emotionally traumatic for the baby and states that most weaning recommendations given by pediatricians are "based on personal feelings and prejudices and not medical documentation." In her words: "Suddenly and prematurely taking from a baby the most emotionally satisfying experience he his ever known could . . . lead to significant immediate and long-term distress.... Such an approach considers breastfeeding only as a source of milk and fails to understand its significance as a means of comfort, pleasure, and communication for both mother and baby." Well said! Yet Waletzky's paper is based on her impressions from her psychiatric practice, not on research.

Research reports on the psychological aspects of nursing are scarce. One study that dealt specifically with babies nursed longer than a year showed a significant link between the duration of nursing and mothers' and teachers' ratings of social adjustment in six- to eight-year-old children (Ferguson et al, 1987). In the words of the researchers, "There are statistically significant tendencies for conduct disorder scores to decline with increasing duration of breastfeeding." The authors were cautious in their interpretation of the results, saying that they did not control for differences in mother-child interaction between breastfeeders and bottle-feeders, which could account for the differences they saw in later social adjustment. But it makes no real difference whether the improvement in later child behavior is due to breastfeeding per se, or the maternal behaviors that are typical of women who are open to nursing their babies for a year or more. The outcome is what matters; the children who nursed the longest were perceived later to be those with the best social adjustment. The link between duration of breastfeeding and social adjustment was stronger and more consistent when the children's behavior was rated by mothers rather than by teachers (although for both rating groups the association was significant), suggesting that mothers who breastfeed for longer periods may tend to view their children in a more positive light than mothers who do not.

I think most of us would agree that breastfeeding helps us to react to our children in a more positive way. It helps us to feel close and loving, which can be especially helpful in weathering the irrational demands and emotional upheavals of toddlers. No matter how tense I feel when I sit down to nurse my youngest child, almost invariably we both get up feeling relaxed and cheerful.

Now, before listening to breastfeeding advice from Kim, I would hit up the La Lech League website first, or Kellymom.

Thanks Kimmy, but stick to fashion advice (or whatever it is that you do)

The difference between regret and guilt

2010-08-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

Is there really a difference between regret and guilt?

Do these emotions even serve a purpose to us as humans? Or are they only present to bring us down?

I ponder these questions a lot, especially when it comes to decisions we face and make as parents.
I feel regret over a lot of decisions I've made in connection with my pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding relationship. There were many things I could've handled differently that would have had a major difference in outcome. One big one is how I handled my daughter's waning interest in breastfeeding. I feel regret over not handling it properly which ultimately caused her weaning before we were truly ready for it. Yes, it's normal even good to feel regret. But do I let feelings of guilt eat me up? No, absolutely not.

That's where I draw the line. Although I think that feelings of regret are very fitting, feelings of guilt really aren't. Guilt is something consuming, that can potentially eat a person up inside if left unchecked. Guilt can beat a mother to the ground, especially if she is already unsure of herself and her mothering abilities.

I asked on my Facebook & Twitter what people thought of a mother feeling regret or guilt because of not breastfeeding ;

Merriam-Webster defines guilt as ;

Main Entry: guilt
Pronunciation: \ˈgilt\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, delinquency, guilt, from Old English gylt delinquency
Date: before 12th century
1 : the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct
2 a : the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b : feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach
3 : a feeling of culpability for offenses

Google Defines Regret as ;

re·gret (r-grt)

v. re·gret·ted, re·gret·ting, re·grets

v.tr.

1. To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.

2. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.

v.intr.

To feel regret.

1. A sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone.

2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.

3. regrets A courteous expression of regret, especially at having to decline an invitation.

When it comes to breastfeeding and the internet, the word "Guilt" comes up a lot. Mothers blaming other mothers for making them feel guilty about a choice they've made or a circumstance they had no control over.
I think the words we use can have a tremendous affect on others, and like time, hurtful words once said, cannot be taken back.

The difference between guilt and regret in my opinion, means the difference between feeling beaten down, and feeling motivated. When a mother feels regret over a decision she made (whether it was informed or not), those feelings can motivate her not to repeat those actions should she find herself in the same situation in the future. Regret can also make people activists for a cause. I feel regret over losing my breastfeeding relationship and this motivates me to help mothers and their families make good choices, choices that they won't have to regret in the future. Guilt, on the other hand, just makes me feel worthless, reminding me that I can never get back what I gave up.

Some think that regret is bad. It isn't, it really isn't. It is completely appropriate if a mother feels regret over something she feels she should have or could have done differently. I think that we as caregivers, can lend a listening ear, and just acknowledge what she feels, instead of telling her how not to feel, she could feel better.

As fitting as feelings of regret are, we can warn mothers about letting these feelings turn into guilt. Guilt that can sap their energy and consume their every waking thought. This is counterproductive.

So.. I agree with all the ladies above, these feelings can serve a purpose, only if we control them for the better, and not let them control us for the worse.

International Babywearing Week 2010

2010-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Boy o Boy! Aruba is bustling this year with many maternal-child activities!

Just two-and-a-half months ago, Pro Lechi Mama Aruba celebrated breastfeeding by organizing a walk! A special twist was that babywearing parents could help raise funds by walking with their babies in a carrier of their choice. It was an utter success and even our Minister of Health, Dr. Richard Visser, was present along with his complete ministry of health and sports. How privileged we were!

Coming up in October, the first Saturday of the month, we'll be celebrating World Breastfeeding Week (again!) with our annual Quintessence breastfeeding challenge! Inviting ALL breastfeeding mothers to come and show their support and love for breastfeeding by nursing in public.

Something else very special and dear to my heart is babywearing. This year will be the firs year that Aruba will officially participate in the International Babywearing Week! I have some plans and am collaborating with another party to bring something cool and thought provoking!

Stay tuned for more updates on International Babywearing Week October 6-12 2010!

What's wrong with a law that aims to protect our babies?

2010-08-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

My head hurts. It really does.

If you live under a rock like I do, you perhaps didn't hear about an opinion that sparked a furor. A few days ago, Brazilian supermodel, Gisele Bundchen, made a comment about breastfeeding that elicited everything from sheer outrage, to admiration.

Ironically enough, I got to hear (or read) about this comment from a formula feeding blog (I'm not going to even cite the blog name because I don't want her making money off of me by sending people to her passionately uneducated musings.)

Gisele expressed the following;

"Some people here [in the US] think they don't have to breastfeed, and I think 'Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?' I think there should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."

Wow. People.Got.Mad.

Wait, let me rephrase that. Moms got mad. Men couldn't care less if Gisele said that it should be mandatory to prance around in our underwear. Strike that, men would love that.

Moving on. Mother's around the U.S. got really mad. What was unfair though is that they tried to discredit her very correct opinion by citing the fact that she stole a pregnant woman's partner, that she's a stinking rich spoiled supermodel, that she's an alien from outer space, and so on and so on.

First of all, you haters, her marriage and how it came about is non of your business (or mine), and good advice will always be good advice, whether the one giving it is educated or not.

What made people really angry was that she didn't only say it is the best way a baby can be fed (6 months of nothing but breastmilk, that is), she also expressed that formula was chemical food and that it should be a law that a baby should drink only mother's milk for the first six months of life. But what's wrong with feeling that way? She certainly didn't mean it in the way that mother's who don't breastfeed, should be locked up and thrown in jail, she just feels that all babies deserve breastmilk. Yes. Yes they do.

Even though by choice or by unforeseen chance, it's not possible, the fact still remains that the number one, two and three best choice for infant nutrition is and will always be human milk. So... what's wrong with wanting a law that would only bring benefit to babies? Are we that self-concerned and short-sighted that we only perceive Gisele's comments as judgmental and air-headed?

Happy World Breastfeeding Week Y'all!

A good word is better than fine gold

2010-08-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we just got back from our yearly convention in Curacao. As one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I attend these three day conventions with much eagerness and anticipation. All of us go. At these conventions you see many peoples from all walks of life. Single people, married childless couples, single parents, and whole families. If you luck out, you'll see a lot of babies too. Depending on the culture and country, you may either see many strollers, or slings. In curacao there was a mess of strollers. Close to the door was a section reserved for families who chose to sit close to the door in case the baby or toddler threw a screaming fit and could not be consoled quickly in the main hall. Young kids are just like that, and Jehovah's witnesses know this and thus show consideration to these parents by giving them preference on these seats.

Of course, being at a convention all day long, a baby is bound to get hungry many times. This too, depending on culture, you'll either see many bottles (such as was the case in Curacao) or many quiet babies cuddled near their mamas. I was so happy and alert to watch out for any breastfed babies. And to my success, I saw one on the first day!

She was the only mother who nursed. She nursed in the main auditorium, in the side room, with a cover, without a cover, before the break, after the break and anytime in between. I was so proud to see her nursing an older baby (not toddler, just an older infant).So much so that on the last day, I could not contain my happiness.

I took my notebook, ripped a piece of paper out and wrote the following;

"I think that you breastfeeding your baby is something very beautiful. Never feel ashamed to nurse anywhere, anytime"

I folded it up, and hurried across to her seat, slipped her the note and rushed back to my seat for the beginning of the program. She got up to leave before the program was done but as she was going, she came to me, grabbed my arm tightly, to show her feeling, and whispered in my ear , "Thank you for your advice"
My heart sang.

If only I could slip all mothers who nurse in public a hand-written thank-you note I would

Can you do the same for any mom you may see nursing in public? They surely appreciate it!

I use a cover because your mother never taught you not to stare

2010-08-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

I was browsing google images for breastfeeding photos and I can't help but notice how many pictures I came across of mothers using a nursing cover.

Covers are cool. They come in all sorts of colors and patterns. and like a good sling, I love to have many many different colors. I used to cover myself when I nursed. I have my reasons, and they were mine. I certainly don't feel that a woman must use the covers to nurse or else excuse herself to a private corner or room. Actually, I think that women should feel more free to nurse without one. But think about it, how many women use their hooter hider because people can't seem to stop staring. I, who love to watch breastfeeding mothers keep my stares brief and always make sure to flash the nursing mom a smile and give her a thumbs up. I don't mind people watching me, but staring , is a different matter. It's not about breastfeeding, or showing nipples or breasts, it's about people looking at your every move. Quite frankly, it makes me nervous. If I'm working or writing, or just zoning out, I hate it when people stare at me. I think it irks a lot of other mothers too.

So please, even if you find the sight of a nursing mother to be tender and loving, keep your glances brief. Your mother always taught you that it was impolite to stare...

Is breastfeeding bothersome?

2010-08-04T17:40:00.001-07:00

Today, at our press conference for the launching of Pro Lechi Mama's website , a journalist asked our vice president a question.

"Is breastfeeding bothersome?"

Now, you know what annoyed me was that question

Perhaps he asked it with the intention of our v.p. refuting it passionately, or maybe he really felt that breastfeeding is annoying. Whatever the case, our vice president, Minouche, answered quite thoughtfully.

"No, it's not. Compared to having to get up, make bottles, sterilizing nipples, walking around with hot water in your baby bag, and paying for a substance you can make for free, no, breastfeeding isn't bothersome."

Well, it isn't in my book either. But the reason why I got irked was because that question is making breastfeeding look like this out-of-the-world-act and that only superwomen pull it off. Granted, we don't have buttons on or by our breasts like a smith and dorlas coffee machine, but lactating comes without a hitch really. It's not annoying to the point that women feel it's much better to just pump. Sure, sometimes it can feel inconvenient at times when you rather just sleep, or really want to go out tripping for more than 4 hours without pumping, but then again, sometimes having to pee is an annoying bodily function, especially if there isn't a bathroom anywhere near me. You don't see women walking around with catheters, do you? It's just something you accept and deal with accordingly. Breastfeeding is the same. Sure, it comes with some changes in circumstances, but these are not new. Perhaps if we adjusted our expectations to be somewhat more reasonable, our mothers and the people around them wouldn't be so quick to deem breastfeeding as "bothersome"

Food for thought...

Babywearing and this one picture

2010-08-04T17:40:00.000-07:00

My family and I recently came back from a small vacation to our sister island Curacao. We went for our yearly convention, and I enjoyed it tons.

On Sunday, we went to a bbq hosted by two childless couples whom we love dearly. My heart skipped a beat and I immediately grabbed my camera when I saw this photo hanging on the door of one of the couples.

Look at the baby on her back

This couple lived in Africa for many many years, and subsequently have many African items, including this big picture that hangs on their door.

Hooray for babywearing....

World Breastfeeding Week, Websites, Work and wots more

2010-08-04T16:59:00.000-07:00

Instead of making a whole mess of posts ( which does in fact fill up blog space, but isn't feasible right now) I decided to make just one big one. Here's what's been going on in Aruba and my life recently;

This week is world breastfeeding week. Particularly, Aruba celebrates WBW in the 40th week of the year (the last week of septemper/ first week of october) along with Holland. Because of certain changes, we decided to celebrate it twice! YES! We LOVE breastfeeding so much, we are celebrating breastfeeding, not once but, TWICE this year. Isn't that awesome...

So, to mark it as special, our organization, Pro Lechi Mama Aruba , launched our new and improved website!

Finally it is back up and running. This website was and will be a means of dispensing information to Aruban parents in our native tongue, Papiamento. We are very excited about it, and see many wonderful improvements we will make on it.

Even though this WBW we'll be celebrating more low-key, the one in September/october will be a huge blow out. We're holding our annual quintessence breastfeeding challenge, international babywearing week, and much much more. It's gonna be huge! So stay tuned.

On another note, you may have already noticed that my blog has been lacking a lot these past 3 months. That is because I now work somewhere else and the work load is tremendous. I barely manage to squeeze in time for my family, physical activity and my classes. As much as I love breastfeeding, it has come to the point that I must choose between spending time on my blog, or spending time with my baby (2,5 years still counts as a baby right?), and my kid won't stop growing so that I can finish a post.

It's very frustrating because I've fallen behind on my studies and I have so little energy left that I cannot read as much as I used to, or would like to. I hope this changes soon. Soon. Soon, I keep consoling myself with that word. Soon.

On the upside, I did finally decide that I will no longer put my physical activity aside, to the detriment of my health. So, after putting Dahlia to bed, at around 8 pm, I get dressed and go to the gym. I enjoy this, and even though sometimes I have to drag myself, I feel much better, and contrary to popular opinion, I have more energy for other endeavors.

I have also recently started giving bellydance classes to pregnant women. I must say, it's quite the rage and many eyebrows raise when they hear about it. In a good way, that is. I enjoy giving the classes because 1) I LOVE pregnancy and helping moms enjoy their pregnant bodies, 2) I love helping moms learn things they can use throughout their pregnancy and labor, 3) I just love bellydancing. It's a low-impact workout, but it sure makes you work up a sweat! I do allow non-pregnant women to join the classes too just because it's something so uncommon in Aruba and it's fun for both those with and without child.

On yet another note, babywearing is also picking up in Aruba. I'm getting more and more calls and questions about babywearing and I am more than happy to oblige. Of course, because I own a business that offers these unique services such as babywearing classes, in-home consults and sling rentals, I profit financially, but truly, If I had to do this for free, I certainly would. I could charge outrages prices, but because my main aim is to further babywearing and not profit, I keep my prices reasonable. For midwives and others in the maternal-child healthcare workers, I invite them pro-bono to classes just to get acquainted with the act of babywearing, because I believe that if everyone knew how enjoyable it is, more babies

would benefit.

A babywearing client and new exclusive breastfeeding mama & happy baby

I have some nice big plans for the celebrating of International Babywearing Week in Aruba. It'll be the first official celebration of such here on our island, and I.am.psyched

A little compassion and a listening ear

2010-07-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

In emails, and on the internet, and in real life, we constantly come across crass mentalities and attitudes that can beat us down. Not to be excluded are comments from breastfeeding advocates. The fact is, it's much easier to be mean on the internet than in real life because there is a disconnect of consequences on the net. The anonymity makes some feel they have been granted free rein to bash, insult, and criticize other's choices and circumstances.

I try not to let this mentality affect or influence me, because, one, it's bad for business and two, it's just incompassionate.

I spoke to a mother of a young baby today, and I gently inquired if the baby was breastfed. I could notice a turn in her demeanor and tone of voice. She almost hesitantly admitted that due to problems and so fort, she didn't breastfeed for long. I don't know if she was surprised or taken back by my response...

"I understand. It's not always that our circumstances meet our plans half way "

Yes. I am a passionate breastfeeding advocate, and no, I don't think you're a bad, unfit, horrible, uncaring, selfish mother if you chose not to breastfed, or if for some unforeseen occurrence, you were unable to do so.

You know why I force myself to feel this way and constantly remind myself to be compassionate? Because there is a general lack of this quality everywhere we turn. Austere, narrow-mindedness weighs people down and makes them go the other direction. You know why I force myself? Because all of us struggle with certain negative qualities, nearly everyone is judgmental, but we can, control our feelings. And I choose to keep mine in check.

This helps that same mom who confided in me today, that in the future, if she has breastfeeding problems with any subsequent children, she feels free to ask help from me, or to just talk to me because I'm not going to react harshly. She feels comfortable around me, and that is good for everyone. It's good for primarily the baby (because this one can possibly get only human milk), it's good for the mom because no one likes judgmental people, it's good for business (who wants to PAY to be criticized?!) and it's good for me because when we go good to others, good comes back to us.

Getting in tune with our bodies

2010-07-12T20:55:00.000-07:00

I found out something today. Well actually, it was just confirmed to me. I suffer from menorrhagia, or very heavy menstrual flow. My awesome Twitter friend, Crunchy Nurse, sent me a link to an article after I had expressed how my flow was very heavy this past period.

So how did I manage to get in tune with my body? By simply changing the female hygiene products I use. This past period I started using a Diva Cup, and after many years of wondering, I finally got the proof I always knew existed.

On the second day of my menses, I filled a whole cup in two hours (A whole Diva Cup, size 2, is 15 ml, or half and ounce). This is a lot. I knew it was a lot before even looking up what is normal. I always had the feeling that the flow was a lot but because pads and tampons are so ridiculously difficult to measure the amount of output, I couldn't really tell.

Then, once I started using my menstrual cup, I started writing down how much the output actually was.

Day two, 75 ml in 24 hours

Day three, 75 ml in 24 hours

This is a lot. The article that my friend passed on showed that

Officially, flow of more than 80 ml (or 16 soaked sanitary products) per menstrual period is considered menorrhagia. Most women bleeding this heavily will have a low blood count (anemia) or evidence of iron deficiency (1). In practice only about a third of women have anemia, so the definition of heavy flow can be adjusted to be more like nine to 12 soaked regular-sized sanitary products in a period (2).

Well, on my second day, I almost reached the normal amount for the whole period. Sheesh.
After that, I had that "Aha!" moment..

On another note, I loved my Diva Cup. I didn't have to use a single tampon or pad for the entirety of my menses! It was LOVELY! And contrary to many reviews, it went perfectly the first few times and I didn't have to trim the stem or anything. The only hitch was getting the hang of inserting it correctly and getting that pop that seals it. But for the rest, it was a gem.

Back to our main thought, I think I'm going to visit the doctor to have my HB levels checked and see what she could tell me about my menorrhagia. All thanks to my cup..

Learning from women

2010-07-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me how many wonderful, strong women I meet day to day in real life and on the internet. I cherish my online birth friends because they are a source of information and stories of tenacity, drive and pure heart. I pay homage to a few of these women who recently made me sit back and reflect in awe.

One of them is a dear Facebook friend, Z, who just gave birth to her fourth child at home. A beautiful, big bouncy boy, not yet named. One of her pictures were so enthralling that I had to share it on my facebook. It was one of her going through a contraction and having her son lay his head on her chest while she surrendered to the work her uterus did. Simply stunning. May I experience half the serenity she did during her labor, and I'd be a lucky mama!

Z focusing completely on her contraction

Another strong mama who gave birth recently and who's going through some rough times is another net-friend of mine. For privacy's sake, I won't go into detail, but, she and I had a conversation today and I just had to tell her how if she felt she needed to rant and rave to someone, that my ears were all hers. Even though her trouble is far more than most of us could bear, she is so strong and fighting through it. I can see in her that she is recognizing her limits but also seeing her pain and dealing with it fittingly. I assured her today that I faithfully believe in the fact that when we do good to others, good will always come back to us, and boy does she deserve it.

Another mother who I nearly sat and stared in amazement at was a local mother I helped who was experiencing breastfeeding issues. "A" gave birth via c/section to a beautiful son. We had met through a breastfeeding & babywearing class I gave just the week before! She breastfed her children prior to this new addition, as a matter of fact, she nursed twins for 6 months! No easy feat, but certainly worthwhile. She told me that her husband had also been breastfed until he was 4 years old. In any case, this mother had to cope with a toddler set of twins, a new baby, a painful c/section and cracked nipples. Then, she had to be admitted to the hospital where she spent a few days apart from her baby. She pumped dutifully, every three hours, day and night. Now the fear was whether the baby would accept the breast again! She finally went home, and to her utter fortune, the baby went easily from breast to bottle. Her nipples cracked open and healed (once again) and she continued! She has so much milk now that in 5 minutes she can pump 6 ounces on one side! We went through the steps of block feeding and bringing down an oversupply. The baby is now very happy and gaining beautifully. What a trooper!

I feel so humbled and extremely privileged that I have a job that I love, that I do with all my heart. I learn so much from these women, and it fuels my growth and appreciation for the female creation. May the learning never end, and the privilege never stop!

A letter to my 15-year-old self

2010-07-10T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this islander wants to get on it too. After reading so many beautiful posts of some of the most influential birth women on the web, for the heck of it, I wanted to join in.

Then I thought.. 'Wait.. I'm only 21..what the heck am I gonna title this post as? "A letter to my fetus self"?!'

So here it goes;

Dear 15-year-old Wendy,

Where do I begin..You sad little confused child, where do I begin to council you?!

First of all, You're not fat. Fat is what you will be in 6 years from now after you have a kid. YES. You had a kid two and a half years ago. A little girl. Please, sit down, I know that news was a big blow because you're saying in your mind right now that you vowed never to have kids. ever. Well... you did

Moving on...

You know how you're making plans on going to Holland to study for tolk? Well, it ain't working. As a matter of fact, you're not even going near that career choice. I'll tell you what you're up to now, shortly.

You're still wondering how you got that kid right? It's bothering you, I can already see the look on your face. Well, you fell in love ( very young), got pregnant (too young) and then got duped. You were even a single mom for a time. It was a pretty rough time, but you know what? You got through it kickin'. You raised the child by yourself. Gave birth vaginally (Yes, you use those words now as easy as laptops) without a hitch and fully breastfed your daughter, Dahlia, for over a year. You also worked full time.

As a matter of fact, you cherished your breastfeeding relationship so much that you became a certified childbirth educator in training, and you are on the board of a one-and-only non-profit breastfeeding organization in Aruba. Wait. It gets better. You even own a business (GASP!). You named it CariBirth for Caribbean Birth. You give breastfeeding classes, prenatal belly dancing, babywearing classes and even give lectures. You are the person that women call nearly in tears and desperation for help because their nipples are cracked and bleeding, or because their baby won't latch on due to nipple preference. You spend hours by them and sometimes even reach home at 11 at night. And guess what, you do it for free. You're a volunteer breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant in training. You have seen more breasts than Daddy Yankee. Yes, you have become that woman. A mother.

A little word of advice, the whole band thing, it's not gonna work out. You'll play a few gigs, but it ain't going no where. Those gage zero holes in your ears? Yep, they're gone too. Now you have the cutest hanging ear lobes. Thanks.

In the few years that elapsed since you got knocked up, you met and married your wonderful co-worker. You'll meet him for the first time in a year from now. But don't worry, you'll marry when you're 20. He loves your kid and even raised her with you. He's a real good dad, not like that dufus you fell for.

Try and focus on molding your attitude for the better, and don't look away when women are breastfeeding, it's gonna be your income in the years to come. Oh, and that sad life you envisioned for yourself? Bah, you're not on meds anymore. I know it's very hard to believe but, the kid you breastfed? Well... she changed everything. Literally everything. You don't even remember the sadness you used to live in. Who would have thought, eh?

Oh and, one last thing. Your parents didn't kill you. I'm sure they wanted to at first but, after you gave birth to that bundle of joy, they wouldn't have it any other way. They even audaciously ask you to allow them to adopt her.

Waiting on a speedy reply,

Warmly,

-Wendy-